A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:Last year, a guy from college messaged me (i've been out of school for 5 years) and we were never close, just acquaintances. We were facebook friends and last year he randomly told me that he broke up with his college girlfriend. I remember seeing them inseperable. I was shocked by the news! Eventually with time, we became closer and i started to like him, but didn't meet b/c I was in a different country at the time.In the meantime i was noticing that his "ex" would write lovey messages on his wall and they would uplaod recent pics where they do not seem like theyre broken up. When i asked, he said it was complicated and that they were working on it but that he couldnt stand many things i think now that they're both in the real world and not in school, things were getting harder and they couldnt handle it now taht they were changing. We met up and hooked up,, didnt' have sex but everything else. I felt guilty and so did he b/c she was in the back of our minds, he was cheating b/c technically they werent really on a break, or were they? it was complicated and still not right. We didnt see eachother for a year but would flirt, he said he would dream about me more tahn his current 'girfriend' but that he did love her. Recently he said that he officially and finally broke up, we met up and we kissed. I didnt feel the same spark and i told him that we would not work out and that I do not want him like that. I just feel like I need to tell her what went on for the past year when their relationship was rocky about what he was doing. I asked him and he said that she knew nothing about us. We were fliritng, he was emotiaonally and physically cheating on her and i let it happen, i dont like what i did and i do feel like i need to write her a message and tell her. What do you think?
View related questions:
a break, broke up, facebook, flirt, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (28 June 2012):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok guys, thanks!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): So you think it would be fair or a nice thing to do to hurt her even more and make her feel like a complete fool just to alleviate your guilt?
Really? That's okay is it?
They've broken up, what use is it for her to know that you too have been playing with him behind her back? Seriously how is that going to be a good thing for her?
Leave her alone OP. He's a dog and she's rid of him, there's no need to make her feel even worse or rub it in her face that you had a great time flirting with her boyfriend.
Don't be so selfish.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 June 2012):
 If you told him that you and he are over, then what is there left? He should tell her about you, not you. You knowingly were an accomplice to his cheating. Forget all the crap and lies about them being "complicated". Those are the worthless words of a cheater trying to convince a woman to go along with being an accomplice to cheating. Ever wonder how a married man can convince a woman to sleep with him if she has a conscience? It's easy. Tell a sob story about no sex, her not understanding him, her nagging, mean, psycho, distant, "no longer married in their heart", and that's if he didn't lie and say he was single.
If you contact her, you will look horrible even if he is the one who wronged her the most. You knowingly contributed to his betrayal of her. You should have told him "I don't date cheaters" and that's the end of it after it came out that he lied about his breakup of her.
You can ease your guilt not by talking to her, but by cutting him out of your life forever and not looking back. He is a slimeball for lying to you and cheating on her. However, you didn't do the right thing either after finding out and knowingly carrying on with him when the truth came out.
...............................
A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (27 June 2012):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont know her that well....I know shes fragile at the time but she deserves to know I think!! I would seriously want to knw what was going on behind my back.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Your feeling guilty about the whole thing; but even if you do tell her there could be a chance she forgives him and takes him back (some women are like that) blaming you, or she could walk away from him and you both.
Either way will it benefit in the long run revealing all to her?
I agree she has the right to know her bf cannot be trusted!
but if you feel sure about your actions tell her; i suppose if it was the other way i'd wanna know too even if its hearbreaking.
Only you know whats the right thing to do in this situation as you know the other girl involved. If she's delicately fragile i wouldnt suggest getting involved in telling her.
Goodluck
...............................
|
