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female
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I got married about 2 months ago. We are now in the process of buying a new business and he has to go on a business trip to Memphis, Tennessee in December for 2 weeks. When we first met things were a little rough. At one point he was trying to get back with his ex-wife because he had a child with her. Things ended up working out for us. He has devoted himself to me and is a wonderful husband. I couldn't ask for a better companion. Now that we have purchased this business life seems to be getting more complicated. This business trip that he is going on has got me worried that while he is gone he is going to do something behind my back. I guess my question is if I should be worried about him or am I just insecure with myself?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 I think you just sound insecure about yourself. Business trips are a necessary part of life and he'll be going on them in the future many times. As long as he stay in contact with you during them, why should you worry? Unless he's done something to damage your trust he deserves every ounce of it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): YOu haven't told us one fact that would give a reason for your suspicions. Is he seeing his child regularly? Is he paying child support and is he current? Where does the ex-wife and child live? It sounds like his plate is already full with his child and new wife. What is not going right between you two that makes you suspicious? With only 2 months invested in the marriage, I think you should talk to him directly about your concerns. If he is not happy with you, and the two of you cannot work it out, then end the marriage and get on with your life with someone else. Trust is absolutely essential to any relationship. If he has done something that give you reason not to trust him, then call him on it. But, if you have no reason, and are just letting your mind wander to " what if's" then stop it. Your not trusting him is an insult, if it is without a factual basis. It will cause him to no longer care to be with you.
The worst thing women do is accuse their husbands of cheating on them when he tells them he is not. If you don't have the goods on him, keep your mouth shut. (Or as a professor told me, " If you can prove he is a sonovabitch, don't indict him.") Why aren't you going to Memphis with him? If " we " are buying a business down there, why are you not going along? This early in a marriage, I would expect a wife to want to spend any time she can with her husband, and certainly be there if she can on overnight trips.
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