A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a rship with a perfect man (sweet, honest, goodlooking, great in bed, etc ec). We've been together for almost 4 years now... we are both young, in our second year of university, but we started dating in high school when we were 16. Over that time we've both grown up and matured a bit (and I'm sure we will continue to do so!)... but I still worry about the things he did in his past (like, when he was 14, 15). He had a girlfriend (on and off) for a couple of years in junior high and they had sex- I worry that she was better than me (he was my first partner, whereas she had lots more experience even when she was 14- I fear that she knew some tricks that I don't know and that he is missing them, even if we are both 19 nearly 20 now and he has never criticized my bedroom techniques or mentioned her). He also cheated on this girlfriend once (not sex, just kissing) when he was 15. When I met him, he and this girlfriend were dating, and he ended up dumping her for me.First of all- are these cheating behaviors anything I should worry about? He has lied to me about friendships with other females in the past (never cheated or flirted excessively with any of them *as far as I know*). So I find myself wondering if he has found a "new me"- someone else to dump me for. I have mentioned this to him once or twice and he said that he was 16 when he did that, and he would never have been with her forever (they had a rocky relationship because she cheated all the time)- that he fell in love with me and is still very in love with me (which I don't doubt). But I cannot help but worry- what if he meets someone better or what if he falls out of love?I know that he was very young when he cheated on his ex-girlfriend too, so I hope that it was a sign of immaturity, rather than cheating tendencies. Basically what I want to know is- are my fears irrational, or should I be concerned?
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Number one, most girls in the age category of 14, or 15 yrs. old (his first g/f's age) are hardly "experiened" in bedroom. Trust me, she was fumbling her way, just like you were in the beginning. Number two, he dumped her for you. So obviously he wasn't that into her. Number three, after being with this guy for 4 yrs. why are you worrying about this now? And please don't tell me it's been weighing on your mind for 4 years! My best advice to you, is not to take this relationship too seriously. You are both very young and men are not prone to be faithful to any woman at this age, much less one, they started seeing at the age of 16. You are both going to grow, and change in many different ways before you finally settle on "the one". Keep things in perspective. Before either of you settle down and get married, you'd be wise to date around for a few years before you make that committment to anyone.
Once you've both gotten out in the world, gone to college, and landed careers, I'd be real surprised if you are even remotely attracted to the same type of person you were attracted to at 16. Just have fun with him for now and keep things real. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): He's with you now, and that's all that matters. What went on in the past should remain there - in the past.
He's grown up since his mid-teens and realises there's more to life than there was six years ago!
I think your fears are irrational. And I don't think you should be concerned.
Phil
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