A
female
age
36-40,
*ely
writes:I've been with my huband for 5 years and he has lied to me since the beggining but instead worring i accepted his explanations for the lying and thought that everything was cleared up and i could put it behind me as i really liked him.However last year i was looking through his phone and saw that he had four or five numbers for the same guy, and i asked him why he had so many numbers, in particular i asked him about one of the numbers and he told me it was his work number, i asked him why it was a mobile number and he said that he was using the company's mobile. I believed him and left it as that.A year later or so, he was very distant and we werent getting on, then i found a condom in his wallet, i had never checked on him but from that day i became very suspicious.I discovered that he was spending a lot of money and i didnt know on what.Then i found the same phone number in his new phone and i called up and it was a girl when he had told me that it was this guy's phone.I broke up with him because i was sure he was cheating but he never gave up telling me that he didnd't and that i got it all wrong.His explanation (which came after a month) was that he was secretely gambling and that the phone number was this guy's girlfirend.Wh i asked him why he would lie about it if there was nothing to hide, he said i just lied i don't know why.We are togheteher again but i dont feel i can trust him, he said he won't lie to me again, but i feel that i cannot trust him as i did before and it got me to so much pain and heartache.I feel so alone because i really don't know what to do and i think he did cheat on me i don't know if love is enough, i'm having panic attacks and i'm really anxious in general and i think it's because of all the anxiety from not trusting him.What should i do? should i walk away even though we both still love each other? or should i put up with my gut feelings and stand the anxiety in he hope that it ill pass?
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broke up, condom, gambling, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sely +, writes (12 March 2008):
sely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried asking him totell me truth but e says there is no-one alse and i have got no-were asking questions.I asked why he lied about somehing so stupid if there was nothing to hide and h says he jut lid there is no explanation which maes it harder fr me to uderstand that i have been goingthrough all tis pain fr virtually no reason.I dont deserve this and why lie abut nothing?I woldt lie if iha othing to hide t seems out of order ad it rings bells, but i wont get anywhere asking him h hs already toldme that he doesnt want to b asked again he says he doesntwant to be accused of something e didnt do.
A
female
reader, sely +, writes (12 March 2008):
sely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Thanks for replies, usto aanswer a cuple of quetions that i hav been asked, h said the condom was in hi wallet simply because once w had run out and he wanted to keep one, say it wasnt fr anyone alse and says he knows it was a stupid thing to do.I js dont know if i can trust again at the moment i know i dont there cant be real intimacy between us, i i cant fully trust him i will have to make a decison...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Hi there, I am so sorry you are having this to deal with.
I just need to pose the question which I had about what you said, and want to know what his explanation was for the condom in the wallet?
Sorry to ask, but put the two together would be something I would do. Or ask about.
Keep strong and take care. - Let us know what the above results where on the condom.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi there,
oh dear, why are you doing this to yourself? What possible benefits are there for you staying with someone so untrustworthy. Dig deep and see if you can find a spot in your soul where a little self respect still exists. Then leave him and start anew.
He just sounds like a player who needs the little woman at home to meet his needs when one of his numerous girls wont put out for him. Sorry to be so blunt, but players always have their backup - you are his.
do yourself a favour and change your contact details and get out before you go nuts.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (11 March 2008):
I'm really sorry to hear about your circumstances. But i think you need to do everything possible to save your marriage. Marriage counselling.. if you go to church or any other religion go to your priest/inman etc.
look into this other women. do what you have to do to find answers to find out the truth.
if all fails and nothing gets better then maybe its best to let go. As long as you know in your heart you did everthing you've done
best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): It is better to leave him and start your own fresh life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): It seems yo may be jumping to conclusions. but if you're sure he's lying and you've been loyal all this time, he probably doesn't love you as much as you love him. guy's are idiots. he'll say he won't lie again but we lie all the time. you need to lay down the rules and tell him you're not messing about any more and see where it goes from there.
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