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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: [Mod note - OP's own title]Hello...So, there's this guy... We have dated before about two months ago, it only lasted a couple weeks. We decided to break up because he was still in love with his ex... We stayed good friends. His ex is in a relationship, so he knows nothing will happen, but I know he wants her back. Even though she cheated on him and all this stuff. Anyways, we are kind of back to where we started, we talk everyday about everything. We hung out today for the first time since we broke up. It was an amazing day. He says he wants to be in a relationship with me again... I know if his ex magically wanted him back, he'd leave me in a heartbeat. He says I'm a lot more trustworthy than her and he would feel a lot safer with me. I know she's a lot better than me, she's way prettier and skinner, she's a talented singer and writes songs, I understand why he loved her... He's also a musician. Anyway, I like him... I'm just really worried if we get in a relationship, he'll go back to her if she wanted him... I can't be with someone who is in love with someone else. I just can't compete. I think maybe I'll just wait until he is more over her than he is... I want to be friends no matter what. But, should I just forget about this guy in a relationship? Should I just be there for him until he is over her? Please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): He is not worth the wait...take it from me, I have had exp. in this sort of situation. The thing is this: he can't give you a define. time line as to when he will "get over" his ex...feelings just don't work that way. If he truly loved her, it will either take time OR he may never get over her, at any rate, you don't want to become that "just in case" woman..you know...the just in case things don't work out he can come running back to you. Also, you never, ever want to be the number two woman in his life...but rather you want to be number 1 ALWAYS. It does not feel good to know that a guy you start loving, doesn't love you the same b/c his heart is with another woman, or he wants to be with another woman, he desires another woman and etc.....I have been there and you will only end up seeking therapy later on when it's all said and done.
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female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 the number one thing I noticed was that you don't think much of yourself. You're probably a great person, don't compare yourself to her and I know its hard not to since he's in love with her.
but face it, "he's just not that into you". A guy who is 'that into you' wouldn't make you wait around for him. So why bother with this guy? It sounds like you're insecure because of this situation. You state that you are not as good as this ex of his, but why the heck should you feel that way? And I'm sure its not this guys intention to make you feel this way but that is the result of him making you wait, any girl would feel the way you do. Completely understandable.
However, next time you talk to him tell him that aren't going to wait but once he is ready for you as his girlfriend to give you a call and if you're single then you will consider it if and when the time comes. Only good can come from this situation.
1. you find out that he's not willing to do that and find out that you're his backburner, at least you'll know that truth
2. he'll agree to that and respect your time and heart.
Either way you will become more confident and less hurt by this entire situation. you seem like such a sweetheart and I hope that he gets over his ex and dates you officially. Just don't let him use you as his second choice
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