A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So.. This will be long.I've posted here some questions about my 30yo boyfriend's behavior: - "why does he live with his mom if he's in the military and is supposed to have a pig paycheck"- "why does he always tells the exactly same story about his work, but never really explains where he works or what he does"- "my bf lied about his place of birth and many other small things in is life to make himself sound more interesting"- "why does he stand me up so many times in a row when he's the one planing the dates"- "why does he disappear for days without calling"- "why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore"- "why is he on online chats"- "why doesn't he never have money, not even $1 for a cup of coffee"- "why does he ask me to bring him food or invite himself over for dinner, when he knows I can't afford to feed him"Yada yada yada. That's been my life for the past 9 months. Things started fine, but they are getting too rough.This time, he disappeared for a whole week (which I spent trying to contact him!) and, when he finally talked to me (because of something that happened to a friend and which he wanted more information about) he accused me of not being there for him, of ignoring his texts and of just caring about my friends.He says his son got hurt and is in the hospital, that he texted me many times and that I ignored. And that I go out with friends and don't invite him.Well, the thing is: I never got any texts. ANY. And I find it extremely suspicious that I get texts from everyone everytime, except his on that specific day. Also, I find it hard to believe that him or his mom didn't even call me to tell what happened. Not to mention that I was always online on Facebook and got nothing there. Also, he always knew who I was with, and didn't even tried to call those people. If it was me, I'd try everything to get in contact with the person. So it looks a pretty flaky situation.Not to mention that he once said his son had fallen down the stairs and had to get stitches on his leg.. And I saw the kid after, he had no scar. And just last month he spent almost every night at the "hospital" because his ex was almost dying. Again, I have no proof, but I offered to go give him a kiss at the hospital entrance(because my college is right next to it), and he denied it several times, almost getting angry.I've always been a great girlfriend. There's no reason for me to ignore a text from him, much less if something that serious had indeed happened: I'd RUSH to the hospital!The day I went out with friends was a day where he had stood me up AGAIN, so I obviously didn't call him, just grabbed a cup of coffee with other peopleSo we had this discussion, where I basically told him everything I just said here. His answer was along the lines of "OK, be right if you want, I've been having a awful week, you don't care about me, you weren't there for me, I'm so fucking pissed at everybody (because not many friends have contacted him since he went MIA)".The chat ended with him saying that he wants people to get off his back while he calms down. To which I answered "Take your time, I won't bother you anymore".Now.. It's been over a week since the last time I saw him. He is accusing me of things I find very rude and that make me seem like a terrible girlfriend. This, adding to the hurtful behavior, is making me wonder if I should stay with him.So I can't help it but being more flirty, talking to new guys, dressing sexier.. I'm not sure if I want to sort things out.But I'm also not sure if I can deal with the loneliness and lack of physical contact (yes, sex.) that come along with being single..Not to mention that, what if the kid is actually hurt? I mean, I am 95% sure it's bullshit, but if it's not, I'd be a horrible person.I thought about ending things right away, but it took him 5 days to talk to me and I'm not sure how much more time will pass until he decides to talk to me again, so I don't know if I'll be able to meet him to end things. I can always end it over Facebook, but I think that's kind of awful.Should I wait another week? Maybe give him a month?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): First of all, thank you so much for spending your time reading my MASSIVE question.
Also, I guess you are right. I deserve way better. I guess I was just being blind, even when I had so many obvious things right in front of me, and I feel ashamed because of how stupid I was.
I still feel like I need some closure. I feel like I should end things on a face-to-face conversation, instead of just saying "well, fuck you" on Facebook and start the couple's photo deleting process.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 95% ? Make that 99,98%. As you have noticed, it's really uncanny that in 9 months all his messages ( and other people's ) went through, but they don't just the one time something serious is supposed to have happened. And with his track record... he must be really awesome in bed for you to even consider giving him the benefit of doubt.
Anyway, even in the very very remote chance that his kid had really been hurt- if you want to break up, what do you care if he should think you are a horrible person ? Do you gain anything from being thought of as the best, nicest EX ever ?
If you really want to break up ( you definitely should, btw, your list of grievances is impressive ) don't do anything particular, it's ironic that you have to go chase after this man... even for give him his walking papers ! When he pops up again, just tell him it's over and be done. If he does not pop up anymore... he's done you a big favour.
You may feel a bit lonely at first, - but , it's going to be temporary, and anyway , better a bit lonely than constantly disrespected and made a fool of.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 I think the best thing to do is to end things with this man, it is clear that this relationship is not working, you are not happy and he is not treating you the way that you should be treated in a happy relationship. I think you no deep down it is best to end things, yes it can get lonely when you are single and you will miss being intimate with a man, but I am sure you won't be single forever and you should use this time to heal and to look after yourself, am sure you do not need this relationship in your life as it is just causing stress. Live your life and be happy. I don't think ending it on facebook would be appropriate, but it does need to be done sooner rather than later so that you can move on with your life. Call him and ask him to meet you and if he refuses to do that then tell him it is over on the phone and leave it at that. Even if his child was not well it does not mean he should take it out on you. It is simply not an excuse.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (12 May 2013):
First of all if you decide to stay with this guy Ask him all the questions that are listed above in your question and try and have them all answered in truth.There seems to be alot going on and it seems endless. The question is do you want to continue with this guy or not.Would you consider to move on and make a fresh start.As you stated -you are not sure if you want to sort it out .You dont have to end it let him contact you otherwise do nothing and when he turns up tell him you ddo not wish to continue with him if indeed that is your choice.Besr Wishes Nora B.
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