A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Single mom with 2 boys who has been with a man for 5yrs who has been violent in the past from choking me twice and has a horrible attitude..but it's been a year that he hasn't put his hands on me cuz he knows that I'm ready to walk out any day..we got into an argument over the phone where he said that I embarass him on the phone when I start asking questions..then he said that when it's my turn to go out that he will show up whereever I'm at and embarass me. I clearly told him that I wasn't the same girl I was back then and that I would call the cops on his ass..he clearly stated that this is why he doesn't move in with me because he doesn't need a woman threathning him..I told him that why would he be so scared of the cops if he had good intentions..mind you we tried that a year ago and that's when i kicked him out..I want to leave him so bad but he has a vacation set up for us for next month..what is the best thing to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): If he is father of 2 kids then you must reconcile with him for better future.
I can tell you that you would also have behaved similar to him also in his perspectives and it is normal in young ages of marriage or live in to angry and emotional and having more expectations from each other which over years tend to lower from each other ( and so as sense of possessiveness from each other ) . You need to maintain the expectations at some level so as you can fulfill them and do not reach to ZERO expectations and possessiveness ( when relationship or love breaks down ). When he will get to a level where he feel that he he does not have any right over you and he should not expect any thing from you, he will find you at long distant and same is with you also.
His anger was due to some higher expectations that he expected from the girl he loved or married. ( he may have been proven wrong and same is with you also. You expected that he should not expect this and that is why you did not do that and he was angry ) . what happens in anger does not carry much value and you and him both would acted with same intensity and words.
so my best way is that since now he does not expect any thing from you coz, this will be the case when you asked him to move out, you can make it work more. But the condition is that you need to forgive and forget the past fights. it will take an year or 2 to make it work.
Any way the next man will not be any different and it will even worse if you get a man with your kids and his kids.
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