A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is Italian and told me he had an anger problem when we first met. He seemed so nice and gentle and such a family man. The problem is, he gets mad at the smallest things and ruins whatever we are doing or planning. He gets mad... then gets me upset, then once Im upset he seemingly is happy. He wants to know everything I do, and suspects I am texting and talking to other men on the phone because sometimes I receives texts etc from people in my past. I tell him..if I wanted to be with them, I would..that I am here with him by choice, not because I "have" to. I dont know what else I can do to reassure him. Its getting on my nerves. I love his kids and my family adores him. I cant tell them how unhappy he makes me when things dont go his way or how he expects them to go. We talk and talk about his anger. When we have sex he is rough and I usually get some kind of infection or soreness. I tell him what I prefer and he trys but always ends up reverting back to the same type of lovemaking. He wants sex All the time and I dont. He wants it so much, it makes me not want it and the more I put him off the madder he gets and he says there is something wrong with me. I dont know what to do. I really do love him and wish so much our relationship would work. He says it all has to do with sex. If he doesnt get it, he feels insecure. But he doesnt make me want it. What can I do?? Is this all me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advise. I really appreciate your time and thought you put into your responses. Im sure he needs an anger management class however, I dont believehe will go OR think he should. He learned this from his fathers behavior and Im sure will not change.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Dear lady,
As a such old age where we have 10-15 years of life left at max and some of that will be on bed if u are not lucky enough ( sorry for may blunt words, but this is what i feel and i feel it may help in future )
you are struggling to have a boy friend and having issues with that. not sure what u have in life in last so many years of life with you.
focus on what you have as family, if any rather than boy friend
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I'd say he definitely needs to work on his anger.It's not you; it's definitely him who is insecure. He should learn to trust you. Perhaps he feels you're so beautiful that he has trouble believing other men wouldn't be interested in you and you wouldn't be tempted to go away with them; it's pure rubbish, but insecure men will often think that. They have trouble understanding that a beautiful woman can still be faithful to them. It's not your fault, it's his for feeling possessive and jealous.Also, you're perfectly in your right not to want sex if he's rough with you and leaves you in pain. I'd say he doesn't know enough about women to understand that sex can and very often does hurt us if we're not treated delicately. Men in general have trouble understanding how invasive penetration really is. If he won't let himself be enlightened, then perhaps it's time you considered sitting him down and giving him a serious talk... tell him clearly, concisely and briefly what it is that bothers you about him and suggest ways in which he could improve on those areas.If he doesn't, then I'm afraid it would be time to show him the door... as much as you love him, somebody with bad anger management who is possesive, jealous and rough with you to the point of leaving you sore, is definitely bad news...
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