A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Currently I am in a great dilemma. I met this girl in a social networking site. I am an artist and she is too. She lives in Europe and me in Canada. At first I saw her work in net and I was really really moved to see her paintings. I felt a strange connection. Then I saw her pictures and I was attracted. Something was telling me that we have a great compatibility. So I made her a friend in my online account. We started talking and I got more hints that she IS indeed like me.After some moments of chat I confessed to her that I like her a lot.. But she said she cannot be in a relationship as she has a boyfriend. But she kept talking to me.. she was very sensitive to the fact that I was disappointed by the rejection. We still kept talking and I continued to find out that we are surprisingly very similar persons. We came closer and she was giving hints that she is also interested. WE talked a lot for 9 or 10 months during this time, she was a bit of hot and cold.. sometimes she showed a lot of interest then again she was aloof for a week or so.. but she always cared for me.. We talked in skype, in voice.. I was very open about my feelings all these days.. sometimes she seemed to enjoy my words.. for example if I said 'i am crazy about you' or 'I like you a lot' she would smile.. but I press her saying 'I love you', she refuses it. She only says 'we are friends'.. Her response was -'I like a guy but I dont know what will happen in future'.. One day when after a very enjoyable chat I expressed my love again, she told -'she cant leave him because he is sick (hepatitis) at the moment'. But She sent me her videos playing piano, sometimes she was even worried when I did not respond to her calls.. after almost 8 months she one day told me she cannot marry her boyfriend as he is much older (35) than her(23). In the meantime I decided to visit her. When I told her that, she sounded reluctant. She said she will only meet me as a friend, not as a lover.. I agreed.Some days later she also told me that her bf was jealous of me when she told him about me going there.. she told that when i call her in his presence he gets jealous. Anyway I was getting hopeful.. I booked ticket and left for her country..I went there.. met her and her family. I had the most amazing time of my whole life. I was absolutely right to think that she understands me.. we had this awesome connection in everything - from music, poetry.. art.. we sang, we played piano.. we wandered around her city.. her parents were extremely friendly and they loved me.. her mom even wanted to give me her mobile so that I can talk to the girl more.. They took me to a dinner where they invited some family friends. One of them asked me a lot of questions regarding my culture and marriage in our culture. Her father took me for sightseeing.On The first day of meeting I was emotional and I proposed again.. she rejected again saying she can't feel that love for me and she sees me as a friend. But on the later days she was noticing me closely.. asking about my opinions about many serious matters about relationships, life.. she even compared me to her bf (regarding smoking and drinking, coz i dont smoke or drink).. but all the time she was also distant.. just behaving as a friend. The day I left, she was for the first time extremely emotional (almost crying) and told me to call her.. Her mom was so impressed that she told me that my mom should be proud to have a son like me.I left. Later also I found out that she told one of her friends that i was like a 'knight' as I went to see her. But after returning, she was same again.. distant.. I expressed love again but she was reluctant.The days I was there, I felt she was not satisfied with her bf.. all she told me about him was they get into conflicts often. When she wants to study abroad he refuses to let her go, he wants to marry her and take her abroad instead.. and she was stuck becoz he was sick. yet, she felt love for him and she cannot leave him.. Later one of her friends told me that she was tired of that relationship (she said her so). and it is over.. I was even more confused..She says she has bf when the reality is she is tired of him.. she does not love me yet she notices me, she likes to know how I like her different hairstyles.. compares me with her bf.. and at the end tells me to call her.. yet when I am here she seldom responds..As if she is in her own world. She likes it when I call her but she never sends me anything, any message.. she likes it when I flirt but sends no reply when I message her. Sometimes I dont get her in phone.. I dont understand what to do.. should I move on or wait?
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flirt, has a boyfriend, jealous, move on, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): be there for her and wait. Hepatitis is a debilitating disease and as he gets worse he will get more selfish and demanding. She is emeshed in a tragic situation. She may care about you but feel great guilt about any new relationship while her bf is dying. Could the issue be that she too has contracted hepatitis from her boyfriend and knows her days are numbered? Hepatitis can be contracted from dirty needles, but also via exchange of bodily fluids.
A
female
reader, tdntuck  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 She does not hold similar feelings towards you as you do for her. She's being very courteous, polite and nice to you merely to maintain a friendship she obviously considers special.
I would imagine your constant declaration of love is making it hard for her to open up and share even more of her feelings with you for fear you'll read deeper into that and mistake her friendship for love. In other words, perhaps you should cease declaring your love, she's aware of it, and get back to that comfortable level of very good friends so she doesn't clam up as a friend as well and risk losing the friendship entirely.
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