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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is REALLY immature.He's my age (19), and although it was a lot worse a year ago, I don't think I can deal with it anymore. He farts, he burps, he makes stupid comments/jokes. He doesn't take anything I say seriously (when I want to have a serious discussion) and makes a joke out of anything. He's quite the character, he has a great sense of humor and most of the time we laugh about everything BUT I guess the problem here is, when there is a situation that requires a *hint* of seriousness, he just laughs all over it.For instance, a ballet show. He will make fun of all the dancers (especially male) and laugh when someone falls. When at church (with my family), he makes fun of the people singing and the priest and laughs under his breath. When I ask him "when will you pick me up?" he says "eventually." Then I say "well, when should I expect you?" and he goes "there is no expecting. I will inform you upon my arrival." Stupid stuff like that. He basically acts like he's two years younger than he actually is. He always says things to his friends to elicit laughs, it's funny at first but then it gets annoying. Sometimes he puts me at the center of attention and everyone will laugh at me and then he'll feel bad and apologize but it's annoying (like one time, I accidentally sneezed and let out a little fart..I was mortified bec we were with his friend) so he laughed about it once with friends...okay it was funny, I laughed too. Then he brings it up again, and again and again. In front of more friends. The fact is that his mother is the same exact way. I ignore her dumb comments but my question is, should I wait until his hormones settle down and he matures a little? I have to say, subconsciously I'm jealous of my friends with the 23 year old boyfriends who seem a bit more mature and steady. I've been with him for 2 years. Am I overreacting? Should I wait?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Hello!
To be honest, it sounds like its just who he is! Nothing u say or do is going to change his nature, and to be honest I always think it is wrong when people try and change their partners. You take them as you find them really, although every relationship eventually has to have compromise when it comes to a persons personality you should respect that is who they are.
It just seems you have outgrown him and that over your two years together you now want different things. Nothing wrong with that, it's completely natural to have a relationship run its course and I think that's what's happened to yours. I wouldn't wait around hoping he will become the man you want him to be, but you would be better off being single and discovering yourself more and what type of guy you are drawn to.
Your boyfriend is probably a really nice guy but you can't help the fact you have changed, when your at your age you do change, I found I did and I broke away from a lot of friends who just didn't ever grow up. They were great fun but had no concept of a serious problem and when I could have done with their help they were too busy stressing over the kind of drama a 13 year old does!
Any way best of luck xx
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Some of us guys get our brains stuck at about 5 years old. It's not a sure-bet they we (he) will change. AND, it's pretty much a roll of the dice. How long are you willing to tolerate his childish behaviour???? I suggest you give yourself an end date beyond which you'll just drop him if you find him sufficiently irritating.
In his defense.... make sure that you point out - without being judgemental - how you FEEL about his childish behaviour... and tell him that you think that it is sufficiently irritating that you will dump him if he doesn't grow up.....
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): He's not immature, he's just gross. I had outgrown that stuff when I was 14 or 15 years old. If he still finds it hilarious at 19 then don't expect him to change.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): I do not think you are overreacting at all. I can see how this kind of behavior could drive anyone up the wall.
It is a generally accepted fact that often women mature faster than men. This could cause issues in a relationship as you have, unfortunately, come to realize. You and your boyfriend are at a very critical age in this respect, where the difference in maturity really becomes evident.
The key questions you have to ask yourself, are:
What kind of behavior do you expect/desire?
What have you already done about the situation, and what happened?
Are his other qualities worth putting up with this behavior?
If you decide to, how long are you willing to wait?
Going down the list, the first one is very important. You have to decide what you believe is an acceptable level of maturity, and more importantly, what that means. In terms of his relationship with you, with his friends, with your friends, etc. What would you consider ok, what is not, and with what group of people. To me personally, the brushing off of your conversations, the fart jokes, and the inability to inform you of his plans/formulate plans with you is not just a sign of immaturity, but a lack of respect for you and your relationship. In my experience, this is unacceptable. Not that I expect him to inform you whenever he leaves the house, no, but when you need to know when you can get together or when he is available, the information should be on the table. The fart jokes are not acceptable regardless, just like they werent when he was 14. The boys will be boys argument does not cover direspect. You must also communicate this, hence question 2.
I am not insinuating that you have not addressed the situation, rather, i am assuming you have. I would like to suggest going over what you have done and focusing on the results. You say in your question that when you bring up serious topics, he laughs them off and refuses to sit down and discuss them, does it hold true for this as well? If it does, it would be very difficult to get your point across. The important thing to do is to make sure it is a conversation, not a tirade, accusation, argument, or etc. This can be very hard in your situation, but you have to be able to say: 'This is how I feel about it' without getting emotional. If you force it on him he will either laugh it off or resent you, putting you in the 'downer girlfriend' category that has somehow materialized in recent years. Im sure you've seen the movies where a woman is forcing her man to do 'boring' things while he just 'wants to have fun.' Even though shes usually right.
At the same time you have to be assertive, let him know his actions have consequences. That he cannot put this one off and you deserve to be heard. If he does not listen, he is bringing those consequences down on his own head.
That covers him, now on to you. You have to ask youself how much of these actions is the relationship is worth to you? Does he have other qualities that you would miss? That you admire? You said he has a great sense of humor, thats one, but what else is there? What are your feelings toward him? Do you see a future together? Something must attract you to him for you to be a couple. Then the hard part, how much of his behavior can you take knowing he has these qualities? This would be the biggest issue, that should tell you to stay and wait, or go. There may be someone out there who is much better suited to what you desire in a man. Keep in mind, deciding to stay will not change his behavior.
Lastly, should you decide to stay. How long are you willing to wait? You said he was worse a year ago, how much worse was he? Should he consider himself lucky you havent left already? Some people mature quickly, some slowly, some not at all. I know 18 year olds putting themselves through school. Ive also known 27 year olds who have done nothing with their lives but laugh and party. I do not know where your boyfriend falls in this respect, but how long are you willing to wait to find out?
Im not going to tell you to stay or go, that is your choice to make, and depends on how you feel. I believe you deserve better, and in your shoes, I would have gone and found someone who knows how to treat a lady with respect, but I am not you and do not know the whole story. In the end I trust that you will find the solution that is right for you. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Life experiences make a man mature doll. This boy has yet to compile such experiences which is why he is acting immaturely. In my opinion, he isnt worth waiting for and you should find someone who is on more your level.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): It may be just him. I have a friend who is 31 and acts like that! Just cheeky with comments and burps and farts in large groups without caring.
It could be immaturity that will go with age, but it can also just be him. Some guys just have less shame than other men who are a bit more appropriate. If it isn't what you want, and have spoken to him about how it annoys you and he doesnt change then you may need to think about whether you do want to risk staying with him...as he may never change...
But if you do love him and think you can get past these behaviours then keep at it. Who knows he may change but you need to be prepared that maybe its just him!!
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Not all 19 year olds behave this way. I think its more an indication of his personality and not necessarily something you can expect to change any time soon. There is a chance it will get better in some ways, but... don't count on it. I know 30 year olds who behave similarly, and its just who they are. If you really don't like it and can't cope, consider moving on. You deserve to find someone who suits you.
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