A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm really confused. Heres the situation: Me and my ex-boyfriend dated for a little over a year. Then he said it was best we separated because he thought I may feel like I'm trapped and that I could find a man who is more deserrving. He also has major psychological problems that make the relationship difficult becaue he disapears every month for a few weeks. I found out I was a pregnant a few weeks after the breakup. I told him and at first he didn't believe me but later did. He tried to talk to me often every day by e-mail to check on me. He said that a child now would ruin our future. So I got an abortion only because he promised we would have a chance to have a child and be a family. He was also afraid that the child might get his psychological problem (such as paranoia or auditory hallucinations). We got back together for the last three months and then he sent me an e-mail saying that I caused chaos and too much stress every time I'm with him and that he doesn't think the relationship will work. I'm confused. I asked him if it was the last time I'll see him and he said he hasn't made his mind up. Then he said it might not work and later he said I'll message you when I'm feeling better... When I mentioned our plans for the future (getting married and having a baby together he said he meant what he said). What do I do? Wait tell he contacts me? I miss him and love him so much even though he has his problems but I accept who he is. I know that other girls wouldn't be that accepting. Also, the last time I saw him he still called me dear, kissed me on the cheek and lips and said I love you when I told him I loved him. Do I give him time and wait for him to contact me? Or should I wait a month and contact him? Please help me by giving some good advice about my situation. I would really appreciate it. Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): What are you so confused about??
You dated this man for a year and then he ended it, citing his psychological problems.
Then you got back together in the last few months, and once again he ended it saying that there was too much stress and chaos, and he felt that you had a hand in causing it (possibly because you were stressed because you wanted it to work so badly). However, he told you he didn't think the relationship would work and that HE would contact YOU when he is feeling better.
I think by the sound of it he probably does have some feeling for you - you were together for a year after all - but he has also made it very clear that he does not, at present, see a future with you.
You'd do better to stop thinking about him so much and go on about enjoying your life, get together with friends, activities you like, maybe even going on dates with other guys if someone asks you and you want to.
I certainly wouldn't wait for him to get over what he sees as very serious problems!
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