A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend has two kids . her baby dad is in prison. his mother is going to visit him soon but she wants my girfriend and her kids to come . i don't mind the kids going to visit their dad.but my girlfriend wants to go also. she's said if I don't go him and his family will be mad! the way i see it is that she want to make him happy so why am i here then? what should i do or say to her so she can see it from my point of view ?
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male
reader, sean sean +, writes (13 June 2009):
no please don't go it will have him tripping out in jail that will hurt him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Let her go. Like it or not, they are connected for life, because they share children. The real question is, should little kids be going to a jail to see their father caged like an animal?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): No!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe problem im having out of the situation is that I've been feeling disrespected by her kids father. He knows that me and her is together,so he will send letters to his kids saying when I get out im going to get back with mommy,or he will send letters to my girlfriend calling me everything but my birth name or he will ask my girlfriend to send him pictures of her self nude to the prison. I feel like he's using their kids to stay in contact with her. His mother is using the kids as an excuse to get her to see him. their kids are 9&10 years old I feel like their at the age where they can talk to him without her being around. my girlfriend doesn't seem to see where im coming from she's so hung up on still being friends with him and his family. so im thinking that she can't make everyone happy if she goes to visit him after he disrespect me i will be pissed . If she don't show up at the prison him and his famliy will be pissed. so I say just send the kids with his mother. if the kids is as important as everyone makes it there shouldnt be a problem. but if she doesn't come with the kids its a problem
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I don't understand the problem here, to be honest. She's taking her kids to see their father. What's the big deal? Are you jealous or something?
It's perfectly normal and actually a good thing for a woman to be on friendly terms with the father of her children.
No matter what you think she's always going to have contact with him because he's the father of her children, that's no indication that she has any desire to get back with him or that you should be jealous, but you're gonna have to find a way of dealing with that fact.
I would take a long hard look at why this menial thing is such a big deal for you, if you don't get a grasp on these feelings then you're only gonna have bigger problems in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I think the title is a little misleading, but perhaps you should have used quotes (" . . . . ") around what she said.
I bet your girl feels like piggy in the middle with you pulling her one way and the child's grandparents pulling her the other. She's obviously having a hard time of trying to keep everyone sweet and doesn't want to upset anyone. I wouldn't have thought it was a case of keeping him happy, more one of not making him and his parents angry and there's a difference. She doesn't want to alienate the childs grandparents because it would be the child that loses out in the long run. Grandparents can be an important steadying influence on children as they grow up, and often act as some sort of mediation service when kids have the occasional disagreement with their parents.
All you can say is that you would rather she didn't go and leave the final decision up to her. You could ask her who she thinks is more important to her - you or him and his parents - but be prepared for the 'wrong' answer if you do.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 April 2009):
He may be in prison but surely you can see why he might want to at least meet and be on civil terms with the man who is effectively raising his children.
You could very well be the man who his kids learn to call daddy.
He wants to check you are not some scum bag.
It's only ONE afternoon of your life. Stop putting your girlfriend in awkward positions, and just do it for her. It only has to be this once.
Good Luck!! xx
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