A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a dilemma. I have been friends with this girl for over a decade. But now I'm at the end of my patience with her. She can be so rude and a princess who wants everyone to jump whenever she says so. And I am tired of it, done with it. But she's also a friend, and someone I care about. I've thought about drifting away and just let things die out, but I also think that isn't a good decision. I have lied to her several times about why I wont meet her, and I hate lying. She's also a decent enough friend that she calls me and checks on me, and wants to meet up when it's been too long. So drifting away quietly requires a lot of lying about why I constantly turn her down. Should I just be honest with her? Should I tell her the harsh truth about how she acts? Also, it's not my battle to fight, but she's not treating her boyfriend very well. She's very dominant, bossing him around. I know she cares about him, and wants to be in a relationship with him (she's even thought about marrying this man). But she'll end up losing him if she doesn't treat him better and respect him more. He's lying to her as well now, because being honest with her will just give him trouble (not that he has anything to lie about, but if she doesn't get things her way she throws a tantrum, so it is easier to lie). There's been so many times where I hear how she talks about him, or see how she treats him, that I want to stand up and scold her for being so mean and rude. Do I tell her enough is enough and give her a chance to change her act, or do I stop meeting with her without saying why? And, is it worth it to talk to her about how she treats her boyfriend? I've considered asking her mother for advice on what to do, since her mother knows her best and would know what is best for her. Would that be a good approach? Here's a question I asked about her before:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-a-terrible-travel-partner-how-can-i.html Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYesterday my friend in question called me, extremely upset. Her boyfriend hadn't logged off FB and she happened to read one of his messages before she realized she wasn't on her own account. Well her boyfriend was writing that he wanted to break up with her, and was just waiting for a good time to do it. So my friend called me all upset. It was the perfect time to have this conversation with her.
She came over to me after work and we talked, and she told me about how she knows she can be controlling, and an ego trip, and that her boyfriend has helped her tone it down. So she knows that she has these problems. I also took the chance to tell her that I have been worried about how she treats her boyfriend, and also I am not happy with how she treats me at all times either. So changes will be made, both in how she treats her boyfriend and her friends. And now that she knows that this is a problem for me I also feel a lot better about telling her when she crosses the line. Whereas before I would try not to say anything.
I hope things can be worked out between her and her boyfriend though, he's a good guy. But she's been very demanding of him, and also she reacts out of proportion when she doesn't get things her way. She's aware of that, and working on it, and I think if I step up and put her in her place more often she'll be able to change faster.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Hey!Honestly, I had a friend exactly like her. She drove me insane. I did the same exact thing. I lied to her and avoided her. It was pretty terrible. I never talked to her about how she was treating me. I told my best friend about it, and she ended up telling her about the things I said....now she hates me and probably will never forgive me. So yeah...don't do that... But I think you should have a talk with her. It seems like she doesn't relize she's ruining her relationship with you....or her boyfriend! So tell her how you feel and work things out.Maybe start with saying... "Hey (Whatever her name is) I have to tell you something really important. And it's been bothering me for a while now."Then tell her "Look, your my friend and I love you, but can you please stop being rude and mean to me? I really don't like it...and it makes me feel like you don't want to be friends..." or whatever. Tell her how you feel about everything. Maybe give some examples of how she was being rude to you.I don't know how your friend will respond though. She might be understanding and stop, or she will get mad and think your being rude. In this case, you'll know it's time to stop being her friend. If she can't relizes that she's being rude to you and she can't appreciate that your trying to save your friendship with her, you should just stop trying.That's what I would do. Hopefully that gave you some ideas!Good bye!
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