A
male
age
,
*yonsdown
writes:I made a friends with a girl, aged 44. I am 49. At first I saw her as a possible girlfriend, but after a couple of dates I realised she wasn't for me: she had too much of a brick wall around her emotionally. She's also a drinker, heavy smoker, and is somewhat depressed.But we really enjoyed each other's company as platonic friends. She's very rich ,and offered to take me on holiday to the Far East over new year. She was to pay 95% of the costs as it was way outside my budget.Of course I accepted.She was grateful I was going as she no real friends. I wasn't friends for her money, as I always believe in paying my way wherever possible. We haven't slept together, and I haven't made a proper pass at her since the 2nd date (we've seen each other about 8 times in total). She didn't seem interested in me sexually, and I just liked her as a friend. I invited her to a black tie function last week. During the evening she told me I looked "hideous" because my shirt collar wasn't ironed properly, and she wouldn't let her son go out dressed like that. She also corrected my grammar on something I said. But crucially, we were talking with a friend of mine. The friend asked her how long we'd been going out. Instead of saying we were just friends (which would have been fine, because it's true) she replied "Oh, we're not going out. I can't imagine sleeping with Neil if he was the last man on earth". And she had such a look of horror and derision on her face as she said it. To say I was humiliated and embarrassed is the understatement of the year.She then turned to me and said "I haven't offended you have I?" !!! (in a somewhat sarcastic manner.ie. she knew exactly what she was saying, and she was sober too).The following day I phoned her and told her what I thought. I was seething with anger. I asked her if she knew why I was angry and she had no idea.She said the comment about my appearance was a joke. After I told her she shouldn't have fooled herself I was ever interested in her,that if there was ever a repeat of this behaviour the friendship would be over, etc. she just hung up on me.By text she said she wouldn't discuss it further, and the friendship was ended. I was not bothered.She then asked for £7000 for my half of the holiday as there was no question of us going now. Remember, she had agreed to pay for the whole thing, and I don't have that kind of money anyway.I emailed her saying it was her ill-mannered behaviour that had caused all this. Plus, she had officially ended the friendship, and I wasn't going to pay her a penny.She has since mailed me calling me a "troubled little man". Rich coming from an alcoholic who has no friends (by her own words).What should I do? Should I phone her and apologise, even though I have nothing to apologise for?
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alcoholic, depressed, money, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Hello,
It seems like you have a real drama going on. Why could it be regarded as a serious matter. Because your friendship with this woman did become that-serious with intense emotions contained toward each other. There is in my view nothing wrong having a close friendship with the opposite sex. There should be limitations however or there will eventually be mess-a real drama.
If you two decide to make a peace accord and resume your friendship. I suggest you put in place those limitations. Maybe there's a friendly hug once in a while. But having close, physical contact and deeply personal conversations are something more than a courtship. In reality you are dating her. Why play this emotional game with each other?
The results would be hurtful and needless.
Make the decision early if you are going to have a courtship. If you two are against it or either/or. Please don't build up that drama which may affect others. Let her have more those personal discussions and interactions with her family and women companions. And you go spend more time with other, trustworthy guys than with her. I can not decide for you or her, my wish it will work for both your best interests. May both of you make wise decisions to your future relationship, best of health.
Regards,
Curtz
http://cxpectations.blogspot.com
http://curtisonthenews.blogspot.com
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 You need some new friends, man!! If you are really thinking about calling up this alleged "friend" and making amends, you will be making a big mistake. Do you feel guilty that she has no friends? Or are you really lonely and she's all you've got?
Either way, you both need a kick in the pants - she's not a great friend and maybe you not calling will make her see that she needs to make some changes in her life and behavior. You just need to make some better friends! Her friendship is just toxic!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2008):
 She sounds like a ill-mannered nutcase, don't call and good riddance.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 December 2008):
Why would you phone and apologise?????
I do not get what possible reason you would have for doing that.
Let her go on her merry way and don't speak to her again.
Good Luck!! xx
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