A
female
age
30-35,
*y27
writes:well ive recentley gotten out of two relationships the first i was with him for 2yrs. and loved him deeply but one day he just up an left without a text or call or a reason to him leaving .An i didnt know why he left i still to this day dnt know why he decided to leave. Anywho i later start dating this other guy, who wanted to be there for me so he said, i told him how the previous guy hurt me, and i only told him this because he asked. Anywho we started dating but it only lasted for a month mostly talking on the phone and texting.we went on one date and on that date he was acting like he wanted more than us just dating, btw im not ready for anything that serious im waiting for marriage ,anywho he was acting a mess on the date doing way to much an i wasnt filling it and i told him to pump his breaks after that the rest of the date was pretty perfect but he didnt call me at all after that and since the date its been a month or so.. anywho others have tryed to talk to me but i havent been in the mood to get back into a relationship. instead of having a relationship i have decided to have a friend with benfits . i never did this before but right now seeing as to how things have gone,should i try this ? and if so how do these things work? ...i would truly appreciate your responses and will take them into consideration thank u :)
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 June 2011):
 WAIT! you said you where waiting till marriage and now you want tohave friends with benefits. i think you should stick to your original plan
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Reducing yourself to a convenient lay for some guy isn't going to fix your problems, it'll only make them worse.
You're obviously the type that gets attached quickly, otherwise you wouldn't be calling a one-date encounter a 'relationship'. Don't mean to sound harsh, but that's not even close to one.
Your 'friend' will come to you for only one thing, tell you everything you want to hear in order to get it, then leave. No emotional connection, no attachment, nothing of that sort. It'll never turn into something else, because sex can't buy love. Is that really something you want?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): I find a woman who has had FWBs to be unattractive. Why would I want to commit to her if she was willing to give it away to other guys for nothing? What is sex worth to her? It's obviously nothing but a bodily function to her and not filled with any greater meaning.
I expect this comment to anger a few people but I don't care. It is true. I have dated numerous women both with and w/o histories of sex outside relationships. There most definitely is a difference.
Even when you are in a full relationship with a woman who has had casual sex before, the sex does not have the same close mood to it. That link once broken does not get re-established. That kind of woman can still have a very serious relationship with you and fall in love with you. But the sex is never like it was before it has been disconnected from relationships in her mind. It becomes just a bodily function to her.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Basically to men a FWB is a girlfriend who puts out BEFORE any actual date, you don't got to pretend you ever want to commit to under any circumstance.
It is great!
Some women like them as well. The rest? Who cares, it is not like she is your girlfriend or anything.
FWB works if the only thing you want out of it is sex. For the average woman my advice is to get a vibrator. It will give more affection and less STD's.
Why are you even considering it? If it is not "I just need a penis on standbye and ABSOLUTELY nothing else" then don't.
And real friends are their own benefit. I find the term highly offensive. Do your friends only count for how they benefit you?
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You are exactly doin what would take even more further from finding the right one for you. The first guy ended things very badly to make you more emotionally vulnerable. You don't want to go from that phase of Hurt and anger again so you want to choose the easier way out. It's the same reason for many guys also who opt to become a player.
Dating is a continous learning process in which cherish the good one's and become more wise from the bad one's. But FWB could make things even worse for you because you won't gain anything from it expect from a few moments of pleasure. Fwb is like fast food. Quick, easy and tempting but with no nutrition value to make you a healthier person.
Looks good in movies but in real 9 out 10 times it ends even more badly as one of the two develops feelings and the other dosnt. The guilt and shame of being used is even more worst than being rejected by someone in a realtionship.
Sex realses oxytocin and other bonding chemicals in
brain. So having sex with same person over a period of time would more likely Make you to develope feelings for him. Not because you want it but because your body is responding to it.
So choose the right person first and then only have regular sex with him so that you could fall upon him if you develop intese feelings for him. Fwb only works when you could keep sex and emotions in complety different departments which is easier said that done. Don't test your limits because if you fail it would be hard to get over it.
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A
female
reader, Hera23  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Ok here goes I understand how u feel,but trust me having friends with benefits will mess u up in the long run meaning,that u will like the way its going an when u do find someone u will not know what hit u cos will probably take him for a ride an cheat or u will just not get out the whole friends with benefit thing.. Try getting to know a guy before anything , don't have sex don't do anything untill u see this guy is in it for u and only u.. Even take time time out an think what u want for a change an when u meet a guy let him kno what u want an get to the point by asking him what he really wants...if he aint ready for your wants now he will never be ready,he should love u for u not someone he wish u could be...u will even get to know like that which guys are guys u should go for....hope it helped
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