A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, im new to this, but here we go...... i am a mother to a beautiful little girl, i have a "husband" that i love. and a pretty good life.. i wish i could tell you my whole story, but ill try to sum it up to just the facts i guess. i am 25 and have been through some difficault struggles(who hasnt though). i am a recovering heroin addict and have been sober for about 5 years, sense i found out i was pregnant with my daughter. me and my partner are both heroin addicts, the only problem is he never got clean. he continues to use, even though i am fighting for my sobriety and the life i want with him and my daughter. i have also been through some major legal situations due to my past heroin use. i am really trying hard to hold on to that picture of us growing old together and being "normal". i can not say he is a bad person for this, actually, he is still quite amazing. "how,” your probably asking? just because he has this addiction, it hasn’t stopped him from working hard, being the most amazing father, and just a super nice person, that everyone falls in love with. he does not steal from a soul, he would never cheat on me, lie to me, or abuse me or my daughter.... but now that iv told you the good parts, that really doesn’t mean there aren’t the bad to go along with it:( his drug use does cause him to get "dope sick", and when he cant get high, he is not that pleasant to be around. he doesn’t talk to me or my daughter very much, he gets annoyed very easily, and just seems to distance himself from us.. a fact to heroin and other opiate use is that your libido goes way down, you cant "cum" when your high, you would rather masturbate than be touched if your sick.. all around, its just really terrible for your partner either way! i mean, he wont even sleep in the bed with me! i have to make all of the first moves. and, i just cant help it, i have and always will be a very sexual person. i need sex in my life, not just sex but the love and intimacy that comes along with it... i love him, i truly do, i don’t think i could never live without him.. but i feel so stressed and strained right now.. we have known each other for years, and have been together for over 5 and have a child together.. im not perfect but i have been waiting for his love for so long! and here’s the best part people!!:( i met someone amazing the other night, and we had an incredible connection.. as cliché as it sounds, i feel like i have know this person for my entire life, we hit it off right away. and one thing led to another and, well i don’t think i need to say anymore.. i think im falling for him, he is amazing, really. he knows and understands my situation. besides the sex, we just talked and talked and..... it wasn’t awkward. i am not comfortable with my body, but i was with him. sense then we have been keeping contact via text and facebook. i feel so sleazy, but i cant stop thinking about him, im trying, i am trying so hard. i know this is allot to read. but i need someone’s help, anyone. please don’t judge me? so here is my question! should i stay and try to keep thing working with my partner or should i try to start another relationship with this new guy??????????. im trying to see what the outcome will be but, either way looks skeptical.. help???
View related questions:
facebook, libido, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): I am so sorry to hear about your situation i am kind of in the same my husband is a heroin addict and i have been clean for four years off of meth so i can't imagine having someone with the same drug of choice in my home anyways I cant really tell you what you should do because i don't know what to do myself and feel trapped and hopeless he too is an amazing man and without drugs damn near perfect and me being clean is why i still hold on because i have faith in him and know that he can do it but we can only be strong so long my biggest fear is if i do leave he will od and i will not even know about it anyways sorry this is so long but if you are strong enough to leave do so before it drags you down and as far as the other guy ya probably a bad move but i don't judge my only advice is if you are going to be with him wait for a long long time to introduce him to your child they get attatched very easily (learned from experience)good luck and it helps to know i am not the only one in this type of situation
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): I write to all the mothers/fathers/wives/husbands dealing with a loved on with drug abuse. I met my husband 20 years ago back then we were just casual friends....20 years later he crossed my path and I became interested in him and yet I had my reservations...I noticed the people that he was around and I knew these individuals were not of good character...He was so aggressive towards being with me that I let my guard down and I fell in love with his goodness. However I knew earlie on that he was a heroin user and I asked him an of course he denied it....I spent a year and a half struggling with his addiction...I have tried everything to get this man to look at what this drug is doing to his life....He had no Job and he just lost the business he had....he hadn't paid a car note on his vehicle in about six months into our relationship....He lived with another woman when he met me...he left her saying that she was trying to control him with her money....I take it that this woman was wealthy and she took good care of him until she'd had enough....I learned earlie on that they had been together for 6yrs.....I married this man along with all of his baggage...I believed him when he said "UNTIL DEATH DO US PART"....but today I realize that the marriage has no way of surviving until he address the Heroin addiction, and reading your article it made me chuckle at some key points....when I thought it was just me in this world dealing with a man that I love who is addicted to Heroin....and yes sex is the last thing on their minds....we got married Dec. 31, 2009...it's been 7months of marriage and 2 sex encounters...I have learned that the addiction is a very selfish addiction and no matter how hard we push, altumately it will take self will to have these men stop killing themselves....I have pushed so hard and each time my husband runs and packs his belonging and goes about his business as if he is not even married...and it hurts knowing that I'm true to marriage and he is playing marriage because he is married to Lady Heroin. So today I am separated from my husband he left yet again and I don't have the answer for your prayers nor for my own...I lift my hand to Jesus and I say "THY WILL BE DONE"....I have a 13yr old son and a 22yr old daughter and a 7month old grandaughter that need me to survive, so I place my heart with God and allow him to fix it for me....as you should to. Last but not least I need you to know even though I am seperated and my husband dosen't want to talk to me I never will give up on him I pray for God to give him the strength the fight....I realize that I can't help him stop...but I don't want to blur my vision by putting another man in my view to help me because I believe with God all things are possible. And if and when I get my reality check that the marriage is over and my husband chooses different for himself at that point my life will go into a healing and restoring time before I could/would entertain the thought of another man entering into my world....God Bless You!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Well done for everything, getting off heroin when your partner is still on it must be near impossible. You are obviously an excellent mother and a very patient partner. Although I'm not justifying it, it's completely understandable that you're having feelings for this other guy when you're not getting what you need from your partner.You need to distance yourself and your daughter from your partner. Your little girl is getting old enough where she'll remember more things and I think if you're not careful her father will screw her up big time. If you are apart maybe his time with her and yourself will be more like quality time.As for the other guy, explain the situation if you haven't already. Maybe keep things as friends for now as he's not worth losing, but if you want a relationship you need strong foundations that won't form if you get together as things are now.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 I don't know how much heroin differs from other addictions, but I have a friend who has been in rehab at least three times for alcohol. To the extent the two addictions have anything in common, I'll offer this advice. You are clean, and you're caring for a child. What you've done so far is simply magnificent. It's incredibly difficult to do, and it's far harder to maintain when you're living with someone who hasn't got as far as you have. Your child's father's continuing presence isn't healthy for you or for your child. Until he can be clean and sober for a suitable period (a year?), he really shouldn't be around the two of you.
I don't know what that means for the other guy you've met. Maybe he'll be good for the two of you -- that's your call.
...............................
|
