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female
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anonymous
writes: For the past few months I have been concerned about 2 of my friends. Recently they have been showing A LOT of feelings towards one another, this would be fine, except for the fact that she is 16 and he is 27.She says that eventually she would like to date him, but knows it would be hard for him now, especially as she is still in school, as they would not get to see each other often, and she does not want him to have to put up with other people's reactions, it will look as if he's taking advantage.He is definetely not taking advantage, but I think he's confused, I can't see how he can fall for someone with such different aims and goals still to achieve. Although she appears mature for her age, I've known her for longer than he has, and been there myself, the teenage girl who's 16-going-on-30, it's all just a front, she's nothing more than a child. Also she's always going to have 11 years less life experience than him, I can't see it working.She would like to wait until she's 18 and an "adult", but in the meantime they are still growing closer and closer, and engaging in sexual activities. Can this be right?! What if people find out? What if she regrets it when she's a few years older? I don't want to see either of them get hurt. I feel responsible, because I introduced them.Or maybe I'm just jealous because she has him and I don't, despite the age differences. Should I try to stop it, would they be happier with people their own ages? Or should I just butt out and leave them to it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): It's not in your hands anymore I mean if they really like eachother you cant stop them how would you brake them up? if you try your friend may end up hating you for it. Anyway the guy should be held responsable in this situation considering he's 27 I'm 27 and wouldn't think of going with an under aged kid he must have like no friends cause he should be working full time and out at bars or something not hanging with a 16 year old I mean ask her what is she gonna do for prom next year bring him ? ha yah right I don't know but it's not your fault they got together it's his he knows what he's doing he's not stupid believe me he's old enuff to know better!
A
female
reader, tinkerbell +, writes (6 January 2006):
All you can do is offer your friend support. If she is engaging in sexual activities then it is really important that you talk to her about taking precautions against pregnancy and transmitted diseases.
She won't thank you for trying to stop it if she really wants to be with him and neither will he. The best advice I can give you is to work with her in trying to understand what she can gain from a relationship with him and work out the pros and cons of dating someone older.
Try and work through what her goals in life are, a levels, university, travelling, jobs, socialising with friends and ask her to think about where he fits into that equation and take it from there.
It is important that she makes the right choices for her and not make sacrifices for him or she may end up resenting him for it in the future.
Good luck!
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