A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is something I really need help with. I'm only 15 and I'm very interested in a 21 year old. Yes, I completely understand it's illegal but do laws bury my feelings for someone? No. We've yet to begin a relationship but we've already had sex. Now please don't jump to the conclusion that he's using me. He's not. He told me that all we need to do is see eachother more to start dating. But, of course, I I would have to lie to my parents and say he's 17. Yes, that's how old he looks. He would also have to lie and say I'm 17-18 to his parents. Yes, that's how old I look. That's how old I act too. No one knows my true age unless I tell them. They immediantely assume I'm plenty of years older.So, I'm wondering if this is right. Please understand I deeply care for him and I think about him every day. He's all I want and he's everything I need. He cares for me. It's obvious when we're around eachother. Should I try to start a relationship with him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Hi, I'm going to start by telling you I dont have a problem with an age gap like this if both people are mature, responsible and truly care about the other person - my boyfriend and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 20, and are still very happy together.
But a couple of decisions you have made indicate you arent ready. The sex is illegal but ultimately your choice - you took the risk that you're being used, fine. I would recommend that you make sure he's with you for your personality, not your body; you ultimately have only yourself to blame for any hurt if you give him your body willingly.
However, the fact you think the only way you can be together is for you both to lie to your parents is just ridiculous, and a completely immature way to handle things. If you both have strong convictions that you have a real and potentially lasting relationship emerging, the last thing you should do is lie to your parents - when they find out (and they would find out) they would just be even less happy about the age gap, as you both will have proven yourselves to be untrustworthy and frankly fairly stupid. This is not a way for your potential boyfriend to endear himself to your parents. As it is, my parents and my boyfriends parents were both fine with the age gap, because they trusted us as sensible individuals to have considered the possible problems we'd face with the relationship. Keep in mind your parents have your best interests at heart.
There is a way you can make this work, but you have to be careful and considerate - dont just rush straight in and hope for the best, that is a surefire way to get yourself hurt.
If theres anything else you want to ask, feel free to message me.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Oh dear. You want him so badly that you have already missed his first lie. You haven't begun a relationship yet you've had sex, and he's told you that it's because you need to get to know each other better? Oh dear, you have already fallen for a really lame line. REALLY lame. He gets to have sex with you but doesn't have to do any of the boring boyfriend stuff. How will you know if he means what he says when he tells you that you have to get to know each other? I will tell how, you remove sex from the equation. No sex, from now until you have both introduced each other to your families and friends that you are boyfriend and girlfriend. If he doesn't go for that, THAT will tell you what he's all about.
A relationship built on lies and secrecy isn't much of one. I don't like his judgment already, I don't care how sweet he is to you when you are together, that's pretty easy to do if it's only a few stolen moments.
Cut off the sex and see how long he actually sticks around. I am very concerned for you that it's gotten to that point already and you are hiding things from everyone. It's not a good start, not at all. Most guys don't value a girl if she gives herself so freely right from the start. You may be giving yourself a reputation without realizing it, be very very careful, okay? I'm worried for you.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Jump to conclusions because you've already had sex before you even were in a "relationship"? Jump to conclusions because he's 21 and you are only 15? Jump to conclusions because all this has been going on behind the backs of your loving families? Why my dear, whatever else should a responsible adult do BUT jump to some conclusions???
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A
female
reader, Hesty +, writes (5 February 2010):
If you're boyfriend had any "true" feelings for you he wouldn't have jumped straight into bed with you, he would have waited until you were in a proper relationship.
And if he loved you he would have also respected that you're underage and waited until you were legally old enough to begin a sexual relationship.
That he didn't do either of those things only goes to show that he's completly and utterly selfish and not worth it. He sounds like a predator. Why can't he get a girlfriend his own age, or one who is at least legal?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): And what happens when the other family finds out your true age? Or better yet , when your family finds out his age? Both families will resent you both and if your mom cares enough to she can charge your boyfriend with stat. Rape. If you really love each other you can wait until you're 18. That's what true love is, it's not easy and it should not be premised on a lie. There's a reason why it's illegal for him to have a sexual relationship with you. My advice is to cool it down with him and just be friends until you're 18. If it's meant to be then it will be. Trust me
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