A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some help dealing with my husband's family. They are being insensitive about our separation and it is hurting me. My husband told me a few months ago that he isn't "in-love" with me anymore. We were living at his Mom's with our kids. His sister (single) also lives there. She has no children of her own and has never been in a relationship. I moved out when my husband told me this (right after his sister blew up one night at him and then at me). I moved out and have rented a house and will be moving there next week. The problem is this....The kids are there still because all of their friends are there and school just got out. I see them daily, but it is hard being over there. I used to be "one of them" and now I'm not. My sister in law that lives there talks curtly to me; asks me if I've spoken to her brother if I mention plans I have with the kids, etc. She doesn't work and is there all of the time. My husband and I have been married for 13 years and I thought we were happy. Now I have to go over there and see his nosy sister and see the family I lost in order to see my kids or pick them up. Should I try and talk to her? She's not the most sensitive person and she gets defensive very easily. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you SOOOO Much for your replies! They were thoughtful and accurate; especially the part about my husband needing to grow up. And he does. He and his sister are developmentally stunted/stuck and I just can't be part of that any longer. Nor do I want my kids to think that it is O.K. to be so dependent on your parents in your 40's and 50's. So, thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometimes affirmation is all you need!!!!
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 She thinks she is protecting her brother and maybe she is hurting too at the split. Maybe she is worried her brother wont be able to see the kids etc. Assure her that you are trying to make this split amicable and that if you need help you will ask but she must allow you and your husband to deal with this without any judgement from those close to them.
I had problems with my husbands brother when we told people we were splitting but still lived together. My husband had a sister whos's husband behaved inappropriately towards me, dirty remarks and touching. Everyone but his wife knew about this, I was advised not to tell her although I have since. Anyway the minute he heard of the split he phoned to say he was coming round. I was quite nervous at being alone with him so I phoned my husband's brother as we got on well and asked if he would just 'drop by' for a cuppa whilst the other bloke was there. His answer???
Get lost youre leaving my brother - do you think Im going to drop everything for you everytime you call, sort it yourself.
He has never really spoken since though we still see each other occaisionally for the kids birthdays. Luckily his wife, mad at her husband, came to rescue me. Her and I have remained friends since (8 years ago).
Sorry that ended up being long! I think what Im trying to say is that maybe your sis in law is angry at you and doesnt know how to react to all of this. Sit her down and talk to her, when we split up it impacts on everyone within the families and maybe she doesnt even realise what she is doing to you x I wish you luck
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A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Its always a good idea to try to get along with people.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Now that school is out, you have the perfect excuse to move them into their new home with their Mom. The fact that your husband and his sister still live at home isn't the best example of what you want your children to aspire to. You need a home of your own, and your husband needs to grow up. That's impossible to do when all of you still live with his mother. Anything that your sister-in-law has to say to you or your children wouldn't hold any weight if you live under your own roof and not with her. Get going and get a new place while you have the chance. Summer is here, school is out and it won't be long before the new school year is in session. You need to relocate your kids now. Best of Luck with Everything, Dear!
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