A
female
age
51-59,
*ozzie
writes:I have been involved with someone for 8 months. Going in, we discovered early on, that we needed what each other had to offer. We were both burned from previous relationships, and genuinely were grateful to have found each other. I told him about my marriage, and that I was still married, but seperated from my husband, and contemplating divorce, he told me about his daughters mom and the issues they had been having and together we have been helping each other get through it all. All the while our feelings have been growing as well. I am confused at this point. My husband lives a lifestyle, that I have found repulsive and does not include me at all, and thats the reason for our seperation, while E provides me with all the love and affection and support I would expect from my husband, but he is not willing to give. Well recently, E did something awful and I dont know if it was a mistake, or something he has been thinking about, or what. He has recently started hanging out with some shady friends. All of whom cheat on their significant others and now that we (he) has his own place, they have started bringing these women over there.Once I even caught one in E's bed with one.Well u guessed it, they brought one for him and he went for it. He slept with her, and I popped up over there and caught it after the fact.I have keys to the place and was even there earlier in the day. I dont live there full time, but its our place. Everything there is from me. We picked out these things together. I dont sleep with my husband. We dont even sleep in the same room, when I am there. I only go there to feed the cats and check the house. So understand the marriage part of my life is over. I love E, and he has appologized for what happened, but I feel betrayed, and used, and like he could do it again. His friends dont come around anymore, and he is fine with that. He says he wants us to get past it, but i find myself not believing it, and difficult to trust and believe him. He says at the end of the day its still just me standing and just me and him, and that It makes him angry for me to bring up this thing everyday, but I cant help it, i really am hurt. i love him deeply and its hard to accept him sharing that part of himself with someone else.Do I believe and trust and move on with our lives, or just stop at this point, cut my losses, and go back home.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Rozzie +, writes (14 November 2009):
Rozzie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Caring guy, that was a really sweet answer. It seems you really have a sense of what I am going through. Thanks for the kind words and advice. You may be on to something there. Perhaps I do need time to myself to sort through things. I have really been unhappy for quite some time. And the short lived joy I experienced with this guy just shows me that I can have that for myself again. I have a lot to offer the right person.
Thanks Again.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 November 2009):
No, don't go back to him or your husband. It's time you finished your marrige once and for all if it is dead. That's the first step. Once that's happened, you can move forward. But this other guy isn't worth his time. You went to him because he offered the affection you needed. He isn't a good guy at all though. I think you'd be better spending some time alone and really focusing on yourself for a while. Then, when you're ready, you can go and find a guy who is worth your time. Don't jump from one bad relationship into another so soon. Take your time and find someone worthy of you.
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