A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I dated for 1.5 years, and we broke up one year ago. We were in a long distance relationship that became difficult due to business and therefore poor communication. I am bi-cultural, so my family and I visit his country once a year. Although we were distant while apart, we fall in love all over again when we see one another.Poor communication on his behalf has always been a problem in our relationship. I would bug him about it and eventually blow up. Then we would stop talking for awhile, and later start talking again as if nothing happened. It was impossible to change him. He was basically a bad bf while we were apart, but a good bf while we were together. However, having visited him during my breaks (he was not on break), I saw how truly busy and stressful life was for him. But was that a legit excuse for poor communication? He once admitted that thinking of me and talking to me keeps him from focusing on life. He said it brought him too much pain. I don't know whether or not to believe it. Is it legit? A year ago, I blew up at him again for the same reason, and we stopped talking. Then when I visited his country, we hung out as friends... But obviously liked and missed one another. We had a friendly goodbye and haven't spoken since I left which is about 3 months. Now I miss him more than ever, but I have no idea how he feels. He recently began a new relationship which crushes me. Many times, we had talked about being together in his country after I graduate. I have plans of moving/working there after graduation regardless of him, but my hope is that we will be together again. However, does him starting a new relationship mean he has completely moved on? Just 3 months ago, I had dinner with him and his family and they treated me as their future daughter-in-law, even bringing up marriage (again). I'm the first girl he's ever brought home and his parents really love me. I dated him when he was the most stressed and busy. We were both students and school/work is very competitive in his country. Now, he has a stable job, money, and more time. I'm still a student and I have 1.5 more years of undergrad to go. His current gf attended his prestigious alma mater, finished undergrad, and is continuing law school. I can't help but feel that I'm not as good for him as she is. He is 4-5 years older than me, but only 2-3 years older than her. But most of all, she can be by his side whereas I don't even have a choice.Regardless of what happens in the future, should I forget about him in the meantime? I know that we would probably have the same communication problems if we were together again in the meantime, and well he has a gf now anyway. But we are so happy when we're together. Should I throw my hope away and say goodbye? Many guys have asked me out after our breakup, but I can never focus on them. Either I'm missing him or busy comparing, and I'm afraid my standards are set solid.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 April 2012):
 Yes, do forget about him for the meantime. This doesn't mean you have to erase him from your memory but you should recognize that he chose to NOT date you any longer. You can't get much more specific than that.
It doesn't mean that you aren't worth dating, it must means that this individual man with his schedule/choices/communication problems couldn't commit to you. It's okay.
You are very young and have years ahead of you. Those years may as well be spent with a man who WANTS to date you and finds way to spend time with you. The rest, as someone might say, is bulltwinkies.
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