A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:HiI usually answer problems as an auntie on this website, but I have a question of my own. I have been flirting with a man I like for about a year. He has done most of the flirting, I'm not good in being forward, but I do let him know his attention is welcome and I enjoy his company. As time has gone on, we've become more attracted and he's said many things to me to let me know he likes me. He's a dance teacher (Tango, which I've never gone to)and holds other dancing events that I attend. I see him laughing with other women while he's dancing and so I've always taken it with a pinch of salt whenever he's said anything to me. I just thought he was doing what he does rather well. I did also think that mostly, it seemed different with me. He would often get my attention while he was dancing with someone else, mucking about, pulling faces, trying to step on my foot as he goes by etc and I often see him looking at me when we're both dancing with others. When I turn up, I can see his energy, he comes over to me very quickly and dances with me. He goes out of his way to say goodbye and give me hugs and kisses on the cheek. I don't see him doing this with others. He came right out and said he wanted to kiss me when we were dancing one evening. I had put my head on his shoulder earlier on and we had our arms around our waists. I was upset about something unrelated and trying not to cry so I just took some time out and put my head on his shoulder. We were both talking to another man at the time and I couldn't talk any more. He must have taken this as green light and when an opportunity arose he said he wanted to kiss me. I was rather surprised and didn't know what to say so I just said 'Wow, you're not backward in coming forward' and he said 'Well sometimes you have to be'. I gave him a hug at the end of the dance and said thanks for making my night. The next time I saw him again he was very forward in his comments and I said the same thing. At the next dancing venue we were both together at (not his), we started to almost pretend the other didn't exist. This went on for a few weeks. I see him once or twice a week. I was looking away if he looked at me cos I didn't want to be embarrassed if he was about to ask someone else to dance. Happens a lot. I'm a middle aged woman and there are many gorgeous, 25 year old blondes in tight jeans, so I never look as if I expect someone is coming to me. He could have asked me to dance many times but would just walk in the opposite direction. After a few weeks, I asked him if I had offended him and he said 'No, aren't I giving you enough attention?' I said I just wanted to know if there had been something I'd done and hadn't meant to. He said no. We danced, he kissed my shoulder at the end. The next time I saw him he was about to walk away from me when I went up and tapped him on the back and we had a couple of great dances, I really enjoyed them. Well that started much heavier flirting, I really thought this is something different from what I see him doing with others. A few weeks later at a neutral venue, he came up to me at the end, put his head on my shoulder and said into it, 'I love dancing with you' It was like he'd cracked and had to say something. I said 'I love dancing with you too, but you're busy' (He's popular on the dance floor) He said 'Well come and grab me more often' and I said for him to do the same. He said 'Yes, but when will we dance?' smiled and said goodbye. After that it became even hotter between us when finally he was talking to me about where he lives and said 'You should come down, I'll show you around'. He said to FB it, but I don't do FB. I asked him if he wanted my number, something I've never done. He was about to say goodbye to the dancers who had attended his dance event and so looked at me very intently and said I'll get it from you on Thursday'Thursday came and he came over to me immediately and danced with me. Later in the evening we started to dance closely and OMG the chemistry is ridiculous. I let him know what it was doing to me and his breathing had changed. He said 'Ok let's swop numbers' and walked away quite quickly, I think before he got an embarrassing situation if you know what I mean. We texted each other that night after he'd walked me to my car and we had one little kiss on the lips. We were texting each other the next couple of days and it was getting steamy. He lives about 2 hours from me. I haven't been well recently and I haven't been sleeping. He texted me a steamy msg and after being awake for more than 30 hours I fell asleep. I texted him in the morning and apologised and I haven't heard from him for two days. This reminds me of him withdrawing at dancing. Not sure I want to be worrying all the time about his ego, but really like him. Should I text him, or just leave it be? Thanks for reading my rambling.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 Let sleeping dogs lie. He sonds like a guy at is cofused as to eherhe stands with you and with thatas an isue there may e no weldefined future for the two of you. It may be that he is just generally akward around women. If that is the ase do you really want to take on a project? ood Luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): Hi HoneypieThanks so much for taking the time. I love answering people's problems on here and never realised how lovely it feels to have someone listen and help. I think your advice is sound and you sound like you've got it all sewn up to me! I went out tonight to where we normally go dancing because I was restless. It's on twice a week at this venue and I've only ever seen him there on a Thursday. Tonight was Tuesday and he turned up! He danced with a woman who got him straight away and then came over and asked me to dance. I said no cos I've got a terrible cold and didn't feel good/want to give it to him. I just went to watch and be out of the house. Anyway he came over whenever he could, sat with me and asked me questions about my job, where I live etc etc. He asked to buy me a drink three times. I finally started dancing cos I love it and music was getting to me and as soon as he saw I was up, he came and got me. We danced the last one together as we did on Thursday night and he walked me to my car again. We just hugged because of my cold. When we quickly kissed on the lips on Thursday, it was my instigation because it was what I was expecting. It was him that pulled back a little. He said what a nice surprise it was to see me and then looked down and looked shy and said 'We should talk more' I said 'I'm always happy to hear from you' and he said 'I'm always happy to hear from you too' While he said this he was looking and fiddling with something in a very shy way.He then texted me as I was driving home and when I got home we texted til he went to bed. The dancing community is quite large, but we all know each other and he seems completely single to me. He arrives on his own and leaves on his own or with people I know are his friends. He did ask me out which was why I gave him my number. He said I'll have to come to his village and he'll show me around. I will say modestly, that I am quite intimidating to some men so I have been told. I have confidence, height, can dress well and I'm pretty good looking for my age. He seems really shy when it comes to it. He is very easily put off. Thanks so much again, nice to have contact with someone I've only ever read before!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): He KNOWS you are interested.
The ball is in HIS COURT.
Let it be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): I am qualified to answer your question OP.I am a dance instructor who is female. I know many male dance instructors. It is part of their job, our job, to be friendly with our participants. Although it does sound like he has been OVER friendly and may have crossed a few professional boundaries, which he should not have done.Now, I can tell you that dance instructors love attention. Their job is sexual as dance is and they love women adoring them and may perhaps even inadvertently encourage the "flirtations" to boost their egos. I can tell you for sure this is the case. One male instructor said to me recently he loves to have the power to seduce women in a class without really seducing them. It makes him feel good about himself. That he can potentially turn some women on by dancing in front of them. So yeah a big ego boost. He says it is all fair as it never goes beyond the studio. He is putting on an act he said. And even for us women instructors. We love to move our bodies and know that there are men there appreciating our bodies and we are friendly with them as a way to maintain business but also for the ego boost. Let's be honest.Now, when I met my boyfriend who is a dance instructor, I was a student in his class. This was before I became a dance instructor myself. He actually inspired me to do this because I so enjoyed watching him do his job - and he was so good at it - that I was moved to want to do the same. He was extra friendly to me and paid extra attention. The long eye contact, the outside class conversations which became personal eventually. One thing led to another. Now he was nice to all clients but you can see that he took it to another level with me. And it did not take him long either. He was very attracted to me for quite some time before I ever noticed him as I was in another relationship at the time. Once I was free, I started to notice him and he would subtly throw hints at me and I just knew he was interested. He was never overt or overly flirty. He was seriously interested so he was actually quite shy with me which I found cute. He did not put on his game face so to speak which means he was genuine. I was out of one relationship and within a few months in a relationship with him. One day we had a conversation about my dance skills and I asked him what I needed to improve. He asked me to meet him outside the studio to go over some dance moves. I agreed. He emailed me a couple days later and we arranged a "date." That night we consummated our relationship. It happened very quickly as the chemistry was insane. He wanted it to happen for a long time and he pursued me aggressively. And it just happened. My point is this back and forthness for a whole year is not showing he is truly interested in taking it further. He would have made a move by now. A definite move. Not innuendo. Not flirting. He would have been more aggressive if he was interested in taking it out of the studio. At this point he is just overly flirty and friendly with you. And sorry to say but he is probably a lot like this with the other women. You are no different right now. Maybe in you own head you are romanticizing things and making things bigger than they are. I think he likes you and is enjoying the flirtation but he does not sound like he is available (is he in a relationship?) or wants to go further. If he IS in a relationship, his behaviour is definitely bordering on inappropriate. But I suspect he is just enjoying the flirtation with you for what it is, nothing more, as he would be enjoying the very same flirtation with other women. And... think about this. Just ask yourself if you could trust him if you ever did get involved. Someone like him? Really think about that too. He will be surrounded by temptation constantly and given his overly flirtatious nature, it could be a train wreck waiting to happen. You would be jealous all the time and if you tried to tone down his behaviour, he would tell you to take a hike. He is enjoying himself way too much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 I think as much as he likes to give you attention he ALSO likes to "withhold" it, and to make YOU chase him. He likes control like that. And I think he knows that you ARE interested, but still haven't done a thing to ask you out. Kissing you, yes.. but asking you out like a "gentleman" ? No. So... does that make you think he likes you to RUB his ego or he is interested in YOU? (apart from a dancing partner)
You seem to think EVERY TIME he pulls one of those "almost silent treatment", that YOU must have done something wrong. My guess is, YOU didn't. He just likes to jerk your chain.
Don't APOLOGIZE for not being available 24/7/365 - we ALL have to sleep, shower, eat, shop, charge out phone etc.
I would NOT text him.
It's been a year and no a single move to PROPERLY ask you out?
I don't seen going slow as a bad thing, but something people DO string other along without even knowing it, or doing it on purpose.
Are you sure he is single?
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