A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for two years with a kid. Recently, he's graduated from college. We've been discussing moving in together for a while over the Summer. He wants to take a year off from school but lately he's been talking about going to grad school. Grad schools that he's looking into are 4 hours away, some of them are across country. If he goes to grad school across country, I know we won't see each other more than three times a year. Not only this, but even if he goes to the one 4 hours away, I know he'll be spending the time that he does come back to spend with his kid. We won't have any alone time and we fight enough when we don't see each other for a couple of weeks as it is. I don't have a car, I'll be in school for another couple years at a college I love (so I don't want to move).Realistically I don't know if I could do a long distance relationship with a guy who has a kid. I know this is a year down the road, but now I'm scared to pursue moving in together if it means we'll just break up in the future anyway. What do I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2015):
 The whole point of a LDR is to make it a relationship where BOTH parties are no longer long distance.
What he is suggesting is that he wants to take a year off and "play house" with you while he decides if he wants to do grad school, which can take 4+ year (EASILY). To me that doesn't sounds like a great deal at all. Because it's not REALLY changing it from a LDR to a relationship, it's to postpone an even LONGER LDR up ahead.
LDR's are HARD enough as they are. Being apart geographically is HARD - making things work is HARD - making time is HARD. And his PRIORITY should be, HIS child. But that leaves you as the 3rd priority (or lower). 1. his child. 2 himself & his education and 3. you.
If you don't think you can do it, then THAT is OK. Be honest with yourself and him.
I would NOT move in with him. I would finish college and look to what's next for you, be it work or grad school.
Maybe next time you date someone find someone WAY closer to home.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): I hate to say this, but grad school plus long distance will probably be a death sentance for your relationship. My husband is in grad school right now, and we are a bit older, but I see how the students in their mid-late 20's act here in this program. Lots of drama with them, since even I hear about it, and my husband and I do not associate with them socially.First, it can be 4 years or more. That is a long time to live apart and remain committed to a person who you don't see often and does not have the same daily routines as you.Second, it is quite stressful. Stress makes people form attachments to others going thru the same hardships, I.E. other grad students. Most of the single 20-somethings that started this program that I know had a boyfriend/girlfriend back home, but have now been thru a few new relationships with others they have met here. I think you are wise to reconsider the living together situation in this scenario. I think you should wait until he either makes up his mind about grad school or no. Do not move in with him if he is going to continue his education. Just stay with the dorms, with your parents, or wherever you are now until both of you are finished with your educations.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (19 May 2015):
 It sounds like this relationship is already at an impass without the thought of distance coming in to play. It sounds like you're looking for reasons why it won't ad because you are doubtful, you will never make it work.
Every relationship needs to stay positive for it to have a positive outcome and I suggest maybe talking to him and putting it all on the table and expressing how you feel and see what he's thinking and go from there. He might surprise you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2015): From all you've said, I doubt that a relationship with this guy will work out for you in the long term. I sense that you don't want to take on the responsibility of his kid, and that won't change whether he goes to grad school or not. Grad school will only complicate matters and add more stress to the relationship. Being so, you have good reasons to have reservations about moving in with him. You're simply not sure that a long term relationship with this man is what you truly want, and you don't want to be tied down. I can't blame you. You are young and have so much opportunity before you.
I suggest that you don't move in with him. Instead, give yourself some time to think about it. Don't let anyone rush you into making such a serious decision.
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