A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently received a couple of emails from a guy I pined over for the past year. He took a long time with the first email because we met through work, and because of our work situation (which was temporary), dating would have been impossible. Still, when I first heard from him, I flipped. I waited a day, emailed him back, and then I didn’t hear from him for another ten days. When I did hear from him again, I told myself to proceed with caution, but really I was twice as excited as the first time…until I read the email. This poor boy lost his father in an accident a couple of months ago and his mother has been diagnosed with brain cancer. Part of me wants to rush to his aid and comfort him, but at the same time, I want to run the other direction. I have experienced losing three close family members in a short period of time myself. When I think about how I was in that state, I can’t imagine what it would have been like to start a new relationship. For me, it actually kept me in a bad relationship longer because at the time, I couldn’t bear to lose another person. I am also scared that I might be entering a dependency-codependency type deal. I have to be on guard with that because my last relationship was with a man thirteen years older who relied on me for everything, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Right now, I make more money than this new guy does, but in five years, he will probably make four or five times what I make. He is also a few years younger than I am, and last year, he was living with his mother (and going to school). I’m not sure if that’s still the case, but I am scared that if it is and she passes away before he becomes fully independent, he might end up homeless and I might just end up repeating the last scenario. I’ve also been telling myself to go for a guy who has his life together. I want someone whom I know will be there when things are good and not someone who might want an “upgrade” later on when they experience success.I really care about the new guy. I have thought about him every day since we met. We get along great, and he is ridiculously intelligent. I would like to just start a friendship with him, but I’m not sure if that’s possible. We both were incredibly attracted to each other, so much so that I had to make a conscious effort to stop gravitating toward his area. Has anyone had similar experiences I can learn from? Should I just tell this guy to contact me down the road? Is it possible to maintain a friendship with someone you can’t stop thinking about?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): I have found myself in your story. I would say you need to not let your guard down when it comes to someone younger and still living with parents. Meaning he's looking for someone who can rescue him. I too met a guy who was much younger than me and we became friends first then lead to something special then found out he was living with a girlfriend after I had paid his tuition and his child support, then he suggested to me that he will leave his gf if I would buy a house so he could move in with me. I guess he thinks he took me for a fool since I have spent money on him. So that's what you look for as far as signs. Guys ask you to go out have dinner go to the movie go shopping but he don't like to put out money. Be aware.
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