A
female
age
36-40,
*hellycammon
writes:I think that i might be pregnant i have my boyfriend of a year that is not the father we just simply dont have sex anymore but am very much in love with, and i have another friend that i have been seeing for 2 months just for sex since my long term boyfriend wont give me any on a consistant basis. my year long boyfriend is great very stable has a home car job ect. but my new boyfriend isnt as stable. should i tell them the truth or should i just say that its my long term boyfriends baby for the sake of the child.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Keeping the true parentage a secret just serves your purposes. "The sake of the child" is for everyone to know the truth from the beginning. THe truth WILL come out later, it's only a question of when. DNA science is becoming so much more commonplace in all kinds of medicine and this child has another 60-80 years to live from now. I suspect the truth will probably come out in the future during some other routine medical procedure even without anyone purposely doing a paternity test.
Men have a right to know when they're potentially raising children that are not their own. If the child is not your long-term BFs, then it's not exactly his duty to raise this other man's child just because you think he'd make a better father. You're thinking long and hard about what's best for the child, but you're not too concerned with what happens to you long-term BF's life.
Keeping the true parentage a secret just serves your purposes.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 If both wear condoms, the chances of getting pregnant is low.
I think you should get yourself tested first for confirmations before you come out and tell all.
You may not be pregnant but could be due to too much stress.
Assuming that you are confirmed pregnant,
there is no 100% certainty of who the father is until you go for a DNA test.
You have two options.
1) Tell your b/f that you are pregnant and stop seeing the new b/f
2)Tell the truth and be damned.
Which is the lesser of the two devils?
You will have to decide.
You may need to implement damage controls and whatever it
takes , you have to do to lessen the impact of the damage.
There will be some collateral damage which will be inevitable.
Remember to walk in the light always.
Walking in the dark can make you stumble.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): If you & the new guy use condoms, and you & the old boyfriend don't have sex or you do & he doesn't ejaculate in you, you probably aren't even pregnant. But if you are, you better not lie. Do you think it's better for the baby to be lied to about who his dad is? Of course not. And I am sure the old b.f. isn't a moron, and he'll question his paternity if he isn't having sex with you, or ejaculationg inside of you. So come on, take a pregnancy test. If you are not, learn from this mistake. If you are, be honest about it. You're a horrible person if you lie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): One thing, before you worry too much, why dont you make sure you really are pregnant. You say you think you might be... have you done tests? Seen a doctor?
:-D
Then sory your life out, figure out who you want to be with and come clean about whos the baby is! :-D
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 May 2008):
 Check your private messages (two of them) from me.
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A
female
reader, shellycammon +, writes (21 May 2008):
shellycammon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know i feel horrible about this whole thing i dont even know why i did it. i guess i got caught up in the moment and just couldnt stop. it was very selfish of me and very out of character. i am very depressed about the whole situation and stressed out. the only reason im sure that its not my Long term boyfriends baby is because he has problems ejaculating inside of me and he ALWAYS wears condoms. and my "friend" always wears condoms also but ejaculates very easily and alot inside of me. i dont know i had sex with both of them in the same week a couple days apart but it was the first time that i had sex with my long term boyfriend in about 4 weeks. god i hate this and i am a horrible person.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (21 May 2008):
Wow... you are 100% positive that the child *isn't* the long-term BF's? I don't know if this is possible, but have you tried to see if there's a DNA match? I personally think that whomever the child's real father is, you should tell them. If it's not the long-term BF's child, then you should definitely tell him. It seems that to bury the truth (and possibly have it discovered later) would be lots worse than facing the truth now. Let's say down the road, you have the baby and it looks nothing like the more stable one. I can't see him being happy about finding out that he's supporting you and a child that isn't even his... not to mention, the thought that you cheated on him and this child is the lasting result of it...
I would say, be absolutely sure, then completely come clean and face the consequences.
Good luck with your pregnancy -- may your baby be born healthy and happy!
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