A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have developed a crush on a new, younger coworker of mine. She is really hot and a sexy dresser and on top of it she is sweet, smart, friendly, and gives good professional advice. I see how the other guys in the office act around her and it is like flies to honey. I find myself wanting to dress up if I know I am going to meet with her and she gives me butterflies in my stomach. When she gives me attention it is like the whole world has stopped. When she stands next to me she stands so close that I get very uncomfortable and I imagine that the whole office thinks we have a thing, but maybe that's just my imagination. She invited me over to her apartment for a party she was having and I politely declined. I am looking for a new gym and she suggested that I should work out at the same gym she goes to. I don't know how she feels about me and I don't think I would ever ask. I was hoping this crush would go away by now, but it has been over two months. I try to avoid this woman now, but there are times it is impossible. If I have to meet her, I try to meet her in a group but sometimes we find ourselves alone and my heart starts pounding and I just want to run away! My wife is starting to suspect that we are more than coworkers because I opened my big fat mouth about the pretty new girl at the office, even though we are not more than that at this point. How can I get over her and should I tell my wife that I am fighting a crush but that nothing has happened? Will that help allay her fears or just make it worse?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Unless you want to cause a fight or a problem in your marriage, then I advise you not to tell your wife.
I get that you want to be honest, but this is better off left unsaid. Continue declining this woman, and keeping your distance from her. Start getting closer with your wife by maybe taking a weekend getaway to the beach. Stay in a nice hotel with a view, make some passionate love, etc. Look at your wedding ring and remember why you're married to your wife.
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (6 June 2011):
 It's normal to develop crushes in commited relationships. I had a crush on a coworker before and now I don't. As long as you di nt act on it, it should go away eventually. And two months isn't that long of a time. Mine lasted about eight months or so but now it's gone and I'm still with my man and love him just as much, maybe even more, than before the crush.
And don't tell your wife. It will make her insecure and maybe question your fidelity.
You are doing everything right so far by avoiding too much contact. Just keep doing that and I'm sure this will all pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Its okay to have a crush. Its good that you're staying away from her. If you have a fling with her that would be absolutly unfair. So, what if you're wife is in you're place and then she tells you about this "sexy" guy? You'll be a little insecure somewhere right? So by telling her shell be suspecious and insecure. So its best to stay away from you're co-worker as its infatuation. As you mention her looking "hot" and stuff.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Telling your wife will only make her more fearful about your fidelity to her.
You're doing the right thing by trying to avoid this pretty female coworker, especially if she makes you feel the way you do. Avoid her when you can. Understandably, you might have meetings with her, so then it is fine to be around her. If she stands or sits too close to you, you can politely ask her to take a step away, if it's possible for her to move. As for the invitations to the party, you can also continue to politely turn her down. Alternatively, if you feel like you would really like to go because it's a big party/another coworker's birthday/important event, you can ask if you can bring your wife along.
Don't join her gym. Don't be alone with her. Don't check her out or ask her for advice. Don't tell your wife about your innocent crush.
You're doing well so far.
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