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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I share a flat with one of my mates and two guy friends let's call them bob and Steve. So we hang out with my guy friends,friends quite a lot and me and one of his friends, let's call him john for now have gotton really close. After a party where I admit I was drunk me and John had sex. After that we have been friends with benefits for about a 2 months, it has been fun especially as neither of us really wanted to commit or anything when we first started and we have kept this pretty secret between the two of us. But I now I'm stuck as me and Steve have always been close friends but he recently told me he had always wanted us to be more than friends. I was really happy as I have felt the same way for a while bit wasn't sure about his feelings. I have explained this to John and he understands and said it was fun while it lasted but I'm worried that this may ruin things between us as John and Steve are really close. Should I tell him myself or is there another solution ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You may end up spending time around John again if you date Steve since they are friends. In that situation it would be wrong for Steve not to know about what you and John did in the past.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): There is a saying in Chinese that "paper cannot keep fire under wraps"... meaning the truth will come out. It's better if you tell him, so you won't carry the guilt into your relationship later on as you and "Steve" get closer. 'In theory' it should not ruin anything because this was all while you were all single. However, 'in reality' you will probably face a ton of jealousy and insecurity issues, which are irrational and ugly. That's the price you pay for your actions.If you watch the British sitcom "Coupling", however, hey, everyone's had sex with everyone and everyone knows about it and they're all still wonderful friends. Anyway. I would say tell him. He will probably be hurt and very uncomfortable now, but he would probably feel more betrayed if he found out later on because you didn't tell him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): My view is it would be in very poor taste for either of you to tell your mutual friend, or anyone else, about this friends with benefits arrangement.
Getting drunk and spending the night with a man, especially one you've just met, is also in very poor taste. Sharing a flat with two men is questionable as well.
My opinion, but you did ask.
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