A
female
age
36-40,
*avyta
writes:Hi everyone when i was a little girl at the age 8/9 my big brother have sex with me i am not sure and can't remember what happen now the i am married and its in my mind. do u all think i should tell my husband about it. i feel so bad...what should i say to him what should i do...i know he'll wanna beat the hell out of him and i do not want that. I love my big brother still as a brother. my husband knows everything about my life from bad to good but this is the only thing i am not telling him because he'll stop me from talking to my brother. my brother was only 13yrs old and the reason he said why he did it is because my uncles use to come and their told him to do it and it will help us. I did not know anything about what he did to me until i got older.i feel like i am going mad with this. my brother told me a very long time ago that he was very sorry and he did not know what he was doing.because he did not know their could have let him do something like this.he keeps saying that he is very sorry and he knows that he can not help what happen.. plz help and tell me what i should tell my husband about this or just try to 4get this we been married for 5 yrs and i have not tell him anything about this Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Do not tell your husband. If you have forgiven your brother, let it go. There is no good that you come from you telling your husband. If still might need counseling. But don't tell your husband.
Good Luck,
Jeff
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2010):
 Don't cause ripples in your marriage. What is past, let it be buried forever and do not unearth it. Let the calm rules in your life.
You do not gain anything by letting your husband knows about this sordid case.You will not gain anything except to transfer your guilt to him.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 March 2010):
This is a very common story believe it or not. I often deal with abused children and its very common for the younger perpetrators to be told to do it by an older relative. I even had one occasion where a female older relative held down the little girl and on the penalty of death, commanded another young boy to rape that little girl as a punishment for disobedience.
You say you were not fully aware of this until your own brother came and told you what happened. In this case, I would advise you against telling your husband. He would not take it well and this may cause problems between all of you. If it was a situation where you wanted to get your brother arrested for this, then that is a different situation and you would have to tell your husband. But since you and your brother have made peace about it dont tell him. Your brother was clearly a victim of abuse too by these uncles forcing him to do it so they could be entertained. You are both victims of abuse and if this continues to torture you, you both need counseling.
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