A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I work with with my girlfriend but at a work party last night our gay colleague tried it on with me. he told me he'd had a thing for me for ages and said he wanted to touch me. I told him I was flattered but that I am very close with my girlfriend. He then said that he understood from that comment that if I wasn't with her then I would be up for it. He held my hand and started warching tv. I'm not gay but was in a situation where I didn't know what to say and we were both drunk so I left it at that and didn't take my hand away for a good five minutes so as not to make it too awkward.I then tried to change the subject but when he brought it up again I politely declined and left.Firstly I wish I had outright told him I wasn't interested and that I was offended that he suggested it being a mutual friend of my gf and I- I wish I had not held his hand (it seems very strange and wrong in hindsite) - should I feel guilty in any way ? My main concern is should I tell my gf? I'm feeling guilty about my telling her but am wondering if it will do more harm than good? We usually tell each other everything but I don't want to hurt her or worry her.Also, should I feel guilty for the way I handled the situation? I felt I was doing the right thing being polite and not letting him down too harshly at the time but not pulling my hand away now makes me feel I have done wrong. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 you didn't do anything wrong... if it's bothering you tell her what he did. you did not do anything wrong...
He came on to you and you told him no you had a gf...
supposing what you would have done if you were not with your gf is useless... as it's not the case...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): I don't see why not to tell her. What you described sounds like a normal reaction to a colleague making an inappropriate advance. It's not inappropriate because he's gay, it's inappropriate because he knows you have a girlfriend. Situations with workmates are more sticky than usual...You don't want to offend the person because you're going to see them again on Monday, but you want to make it clear you're not interested either. I probably would have done the same thing.
You shouldn't feel as if you've done wrong to this man. Since when is it wrong to say no to someone's sexual advances when you're not interested? You think it would have been better to go in for a little tonsil tennis just to be polite? I think you had a completely normal reaction.
It's not as if she'll doubt your sexuality because of this. However, she might doubt your sexuality if she hears it from him or someone else who observed this though. So I think you have all the incentive in the world to tell her.
That way you might head off any drama this man might try to start between you two. She might be upset initially, she might even be upset having to see him in the office, but hopefully she'll appreciate the fact that you were honest and forthcoming with her.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (10 February 2013):
 You have no reason to feel guilty. You handled the situation like an adult, and because it's a mutual friend, I would definitely tell her.
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