A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have recently fallen in love with this girl who is 3 years older than me. We have known each other for 9+ years. Her brother is my best friend. When we were younger, we were like brother and sister, now we have switched to being close friends, but I have developed feelings for her within the past few months. I don't think that she doesn't like me, but I don't know for sure. When talking to her brother, about her in general, he told me she doesn't like me. She is really nice to me and we flirt, text, and talk a lot. She flirts with other guys as well, but it's different with me, we are closer I guess and we do it a lot more. I confide in her, and she with me and we have lots of serious conversations and fun ones. I don't really want to risk the friendship, but I definitely don't want to have regrets later down the road, because I never asked. We might both be leaving for different colleges in a few months or we might both be staying home and doing college here. Should I tell her I'm in love with her or that I like her, or should I just leave it alone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): I wanna add to my answer.So, yeah, you can tell her, 'cos in my opinion it is good to express your feelings, 'cos you may regret not doing it later. And at least then you'll know. But bear in mind what WiseOwlE said, you may be left hurt. So the real question is, can you take the pain?
A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (20 February 2014):
Hi, WiseOwlE sums is up perfectly. I will just add a few of my own thoughts. You ask whether to 'go for it' or not? Well, I say do not! This is all or nothing for you. Don't think because of the college that you have to ask her before she goes away. That is just rushing into something for fear of missing a chance that may not even be there. You do not know how or if she flirts with other guys the same as you. In our minds, we can create winning solutions every time to fit our own ideals and situations. For this girl's part, she has a great male friend that she can trust and that also is friends with her brother. Therefore, she may not want to change things. If I were you, I would simply carry on doing what you are doing and see if she hints at anything more permanent other than friends. Don't read into things and create what she says as hints or anything else. Simply wait because if she is interested in 'that way' you will 'know.' I hope it works out for you, but I do stress NOT to declare any feelings for her at this time. You need to wait this one out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): We get this question just about every few days. The odds of your friend feeling the same as you do, are highly unfavorable.
You see what you want to see. People secretly in-love with people, especially friends, turn every affectionate response they receive into an act of love. Searching for
any clue, even if imaginary.
Yes, she loves you as a friend. The worse thing you could do is make your relationship awkward by telling her you're in-love. You're infatuated through a crush.
Romantic love goes two-ways. She never told you she was in-love with you. So it's one-sided until she says she is.
First of all, her brother has already told you she doesn't like you that way. You want to dismiss it as a brother trying to divert your attention from his sister. They may have already talked about it.
He's trying to protect your feelings, and preserve the friendship you have amongst the three of you. He also wants to save his sister the trouble of having to hurt your feelings. Which is also hard to do.
She is close, convenient, and a girl. You haven hung-out with any other girls. Not many. You've been crushing on her most of your teens.
So you go conveniently for a close friend. That way you don't have to go through the usual effort it takes to get a girl. You're trying to take a shortcut. Fishing in a barrel. She's three years older; and will probably see it as just a crush.
Of course she flirts with you. She a female and you're a male. She's being nice, by going along with the fact you have a crush. Girls do that, and they do more harm than good by doing it.
Go ahead. Tell her. Then see how awkward things will get between you.
Then wait for her brother to remind you how he told you so. You'll be a little angry; if she doesn't feel the way you do. After you got up the nerve to tell her. Resentful because you'll feel she led you on. Just remember I told you this. It was all playful flirtation. You read too much into it.
You will be embarrassed and hurt at the same time.
Sentimental people will say go ahead and tell her. They aren't the ones who have to face the discomfort you'll feel; when she tells you she doesn't feel the same.
Then you'll be avoiding both your friend, and his sister,
to save face. All because your feelings are hurt.
I'm not being mean. I'm doing the same thing her brother did. Making an intervention, and saving your feelings.
Give it more time before you tell her; and see if maybe she'll beat you to it. Then no one gets hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2014): it's always good to tell the truth about how you're feeling. you don't have to ask her out, you could just tell her how you feel. she may like you too. good luck x!
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