A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known a certain girl for about a year. We are pretty good friends, but not in the sense we hang out a lot. We get along and I really like her. I see her maybe once or twice a week because we have some similar friends. I actually just started liking her after the 2nd month we met and then another guy asked to be her boyfriend and she said yes. So I decided to back off, and about 8 months later I can't get her off my mind. The more I see her and spend some time with her, the more and more I like her.Now honestly I value her friendship A LOT! I even want to spend more time with her and just be with her. So I don't want to really do anything that will break up the friendship.I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 18 and it wasn't really serious. I am 23 now and really haven't had a serious girlfriend so I don't have a lot of experience with these things, and this is where I need your help.I feel like I just need to tell her how I feel. Even if she says no, I will be "OK" with it at least knowing that I tried and didn't have a chance.How should I tell her I like her? SHOULD I tell her I like her? I will make it clear to her first that I value our friendship above all else, but that I really like her and I know it is a problem because she has a boyfriend. I don't really want to break her up with her boyfriend (although I do want to be with her) but instead just express my feelings for her. Not tell her to dump her boyfriend. I feel this will help me 'move on'.What should I do? How should I tell her? Should I tell her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the responses seem split, some saying tell her and other saying not to.I have written about it over and over, and talk to various other people, their responses also 50/50. It has been 7 months, I don't think it will become better.The thing is, I don't know how she actually feels about her boyfriend. He moved after about 2 months of being her boyfriend and now they have a semi-long distance relationship. I know she has thought about breaking up with him before, but alas she has not... Also yes of course I want to be with her. To be honest I would love to say, "I like you" and then her say "Truthfully I feel the same" and then build a relationship. But I also don't want to rip her away from her boyfriend if she does actually love him.So maybe for me the best choice would just to hang out with her more. Be there for her. Maybe when the time feels more right, like we start spending lots more time together. Maybe a situation will arise that is somewhat romantic, who knows right? If we spend more time together too, our feelings might get sorted. Maybe I will realize maybe I don't love her (which I kind of doubt) or maybe we will realize we are happy together and it is worth it to give a try.Anyway thanks for the responses.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): I get it man, you need to tell someone , to confide your feeling so you can let it go..
so open a online Blog, make sure its private and only you can see it..
write exactly how you feel about her and why you feel this way, Then once your done writing read it again and again if needed and dont be afraid to write down and add whatever is on your mind.
After writing this you might be able to see its not that big of a deal and maybe its better to take things easy and find your kind of woman who is also available to you, there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Also consider that women are not stupid and deep down she knows you have a crush on her, telling her will only makes things wierd between you two because she would feel like she has a secret to carry.
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A
male
reader, Neoloverboy23 +, writes (28 July 2008):
 To me, you should call her tonight and tell her face-to-face that you like her, and you have to be honest and get straight to the point. You are a very respectable friend to her and I am pretty sure that you and her will remain friends no matter what happens. Try and say this to her: "I really do care about you and I wanted to be with you from the beginning, but I realized that you now have a boyfriend who loves you and cares about you as much as I care about you. I want us to remain friends and only friends because I respect you and I don't want you to think less of me." If that does not work, then just honestly say what's on your mind and get it out of your chest before you go crazy over this. Don't worry, you will be able to have a girlfriend soon. Just take things one day at a time.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 What do you think she's going to do? Leave her current boyfriend to go with you? Don't you think that if she wouldn't love him that she would had left him already?
I think the only thing that it would do is put you guys in an awkward position that will probably stay with you guys every time you see each other.
What I would suggest to do, is just keep it for yourself, wait and see.
Think of it this way, you love her right? You want her to be happy right? Is she happy with the man she is right now? If the answer is yes, then do nothing.
What if she leaves her current boyfriend with whom she's happy with to go with you and that you later find out she's not the one for you (or that you're not the one for her)?
My opinion only.
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