A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a close male friend. Years back his wife cheated on him, and he knows that. But since then he let that behind him. I was really impressed the way it was handled. However, in the past year I have known the guy his wife cheated on, through a friend. Now, I know that my friend's son is not his [biologically]. What more, it was not an accident - but done deliberately since the wife did not think my friend could conceive a boy.I am in a real dilemma now. Should I tell him about the betrayal? Should I just ignore what I know? I know eventually he may know about it, as some people in the community do. Letting go of a mistake is one thing, but putting up with absolute betrayal is something else. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): yes you should tell him, he has a right to know. It's not your place to decide what info he needs to know what he doesn't. it's his life. Don't with hold information from him. besides he may hear about it in the future then what if he learned that YOU knew much earlier and didn't say anything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your response. I am amazed how many of you feel he and the child should know. Did like Serpico's approach. At this point I am not sure again. He will definitely be in denial, will never do any DNA test and our friendship will have an impact. So I think its best left untold. Ignorance is bliss?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): He deserves to know all of it, including the fact that the paternity deception was on purpose.
If you won't tell him yourself then you should send him what you know in an anonmymous letter.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 June 2013):
I would tell him and present is factually, not judgmentally. Kinda like - "Here's what I heard, it could be right or wrong, but as your friend I thought you should know. Do what you wish with this info."
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (11 June 2013):
 Tell him what you've heard but don't get involved beyond that. You don't need to tell him this was done on purpose, for example, because you don't know that. Both he and the child deserve to know the truth. Too many people grow up not knowing who their father is, or believing that one person is their father when in fact it's someone else.He might not care, or he might already know, or he might go into denial. It could also affect your friendship. He may be grateful that you told him or he may be angry with you. You could lose him. In any case, telling him the truth so that he can make a decision and so that his child can -hopefully- know the truth, is the right thing to do, regardless of the consequences. His wife has made a fool of him and everybody who knows about it and talks behind his back and doesn't tell him is doing the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Tell him what you heard and where you heard it from simple as that. If you're not prepared to reveal your source then it's pointless.
Talk to him about your concerns but don't put it the way you have here with us, unless you've done a DNA test then you really know nothing. Don't put it in terms of the absolute betrayal etc. just tell him the details of what you heard and let him decided its importance.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): You should tell the truth if you truly are a friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Have you ever though that he already know. I was in his situation . Would not broadcast it you everyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): It would have been better that you never knew, and then you would not have the dilemma. It depends how close you are to this friend of yours. If you are really really close, and it is knowledge known by a few people, I think you should talk to his wife, tell her you know and that she needs to bring the truth out into the open. So many people can get hurt, but the truth is the truth, and denying it will never change it.
What would YOU expect from a friend? use this to guide you.
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