| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello, my name is HolliMe, my boyfriend and his best friend all work together.They spend a lot of time together and recently ive realised that im falling in love with him,Everything about him's so sweet and he's never awful to me. Recently we have been texting a lot and of course i thought he had told my boyfriend that he was texting me but he hadn't.I need to know whether you think i should tell him how i feel about him as im considering quitting my job so i can have less contact with him.Should i tell him and risk losing our friendship?Thank you so much.Holli
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): I made a massive mistake of hooking up with an ex boyfriend's best friend while we were still dating. His best friend and I ended up never speaking again, and I ended up back with my ex. He forgave me for what happened and blamed his friend. He ended up treating me horribly afterwards and we had a rocky and unhealthy relationship that went on and off for a year until I finally called it quits. I'm completely over the both of them now, but the thing I feel most guilty about is the fact that I ruined an entire friendship between them and they won't ever speak to each other again.
It's what you'd call a "bitch move" to ruin a best friendship between two guys. I totally regret what I did and strongly advise all girls to consider their side of the situation before you take any action. If you and his best friend don't work out, you might be out of a romantic interest but he's out of a romantic interest AND a best friend. You're better off hooking up with someone else.
A
male
reader, fcukup  +, writes (7 September 2008):
k so first off i recently was dumped by my GF at the time because i was the "boyfreind" in this situation, now she told me she was starting to be attracted to him and dididnt think it fair to me so she would rather be alone for now till she gets herself sorted (might be compleete BS and maybee she is "in love" with him like in ur situation) but heres the thing:
my best freind was ONLY nice to her because she was my GF, if she wasent he wouldent even talk to her (ask urself if this may hold true for you).
when he found out after i told him it was very clear he had no intrest in her, and me and him are tight enough that id trust him with my GF any day of the week.....she knew even before dumping me that even if she made her feelings known to the both of us not only would he not want her but it would make us both not want anything to do with her.....i had to trick her into telling me the truth about why she dumped me but neways there were other factors 2 like in ur situation.....maybee ur current BF isint nice enough to you, maybee you arent similar enough to be a good match, maybee you guys fight etc... point is that if you make the massive mistake of trying to get with his best freind, there is no happy ending there, too many factors to consider:
what if he doesent like you like that at all?
what if he feels you have betrayed his freind and then hates you for it?
what if he does like you....that is THE WORST thing that could happen because not only will YOU (im sorry but its true) have ruined a freindship but theres like a 99% guarentee that this is not the guy of ur dreams, ur not gonna mary him, once it is a "relashionship" all the normal things that come with that will insue...ocasionall to frequent fighting, jealousy, feelings of neglect etc.
what if you dont care that you would destroy a freindship cause you are that much in love, and all of the above comes to fruition? how do you think this guys gonna truely feel about you? how will he ever fully trust you? (he will most likely ALWAYS feel as if you could leave him on the drop of a dime as soon as something shinier comes along)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm sure its not lust.
My relationship with my current boyfriend isnt that great, he likes to sit and play at the computer whereas im a more social person (like his bestfriend) I wouldnt even dare send this message and ask for help if i knew i wasnt falling in love with him.
I dont know if he feels the same way but the other day by bf asked him to come around because i had gone out and the first thing he did was text me asking me if i wanted to come home and hang out with the two of them!
Im so confused.
Any more advice?
All appreciated thankyou so much
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 I'm not sure that's a good idea, hun. Are you even sure that his best friend feels the same way?
I mean, if you did decide to stop going out with your boyfriend and be with his best friend:
1)It would ruin their friendship - You'd feel you were to blame.
2)Your new boyfriend may become insecure, thinking that you're texting your ex boyfriend, thinking about him etc. Because this relationship would have been built on someone elses heartbreak.
3) As Aunty Em said - if this were to be lust after something you can't have or the thrill of the chase and you went out with his best friend, you may feel that you made the wrong decision and want your old boyfriend back.. and this way you'd lose both of them.
This is my suggestion to you and it's up to you whether you want to take it or not.
I suggest that you stop texting his best friend - tell him that you're worried it will upset your boyfriend should he find out.
When you see the best friend, just keep reminding yourself of how happy you boyfriend makes you and how he makes you smile and laugh. You may find in a few weeks you think "Oh God, why did I start liking his best friend?"
I would stop texting the best friend and just see how it goes for a few weeks or so, you may just like the thrill of texting him when your boyfriend doesn't know.
If you're really struggling with this then maybe you should take a break with your boyfriend and keep away from his best friend just so you can decide what you really want.
I hope this helps a bit.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Are you "sure" (in that strange sense of the word!) that you're falling in love with him? Or, is it possible that you're lusting after something you think you can't have? Think about those questions.
If you think you are falling in love with this guy, then it isn't really fair on your current boyfriend and the relationship you have with him.
You should strive to be with the person you love - whether that be your boyfriend or the other guy.
If you come to a conclusion over which guy you want to be with, break hearts gently! As not only your boyfriend, but the other guy seems to like you too.
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