A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have lied to my boyfriend about my sexual past. I did so early in our relationship out of fear of rejection and judgment, but ever since I have felt absolutely terrible. I told him I had only slept with 2 people, but the truth is that I have slept with 5. I know my numbers aren't that high, but my boyfriend has not had much experience and is very conservative. Also, I have been ashamed of the 3 other guys I have slept with for a long time. I had asked for forgiveness from God and thought I could move on from there. Well, my boyfriend and I are about to move in together and I have always thought we would get married. I don't think the secret could ever come out because, other than the guys I slept with, nobody knows my number. I'm just not sure if I want to keep the secret. If I tell him the truth, chances are the relationship will be over because he will hate that I lied to him. I'm also partially of the mind that my sexual past is none of his business. I wish I had never mentioned a number. If I had simply said, "I'm not a virgin but I don't want to talk about numbers" then I would be fine. It's the fact that I outright lied to him that bothers me.
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male
reader, The Answer to all your agony +, writes (1 January 2010):
If you are about to move in with him, You must have known him better than the first time you met him. How did he adjust to your personality and you to him. What I'm trying to say is, you have the answer to your question. You should have known him in every aspect of his life. You should have known by now in how he handles situation, arguments, and problems. Do not stress yourself gathering ideas if you should tell him or not..Because, You are the answer..You should have know him by now, IF NOT, well then, DO NOT move in with him..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): I can understand your hesitation to tell the truth to him. Look, my wife did the exact same thing to me. She later told me she lied to me and told me the number, and yes, we were already living together and this was before we were engaged. Contrare to what other people may say, yes, it is his business of how many you slept with just like it is your business on how many he slept with.
My wife ended up being a porn star. She was in several professional films with men and women. Now I too believe in God and am a born again Christian. I forgave her for all of it because she should have saved herself for me. Didn't matter to me that she underestimated the number by like 5 or 6, nor did it matter that she was in the films. I did not save myself for her even though I had been with a lot less partners then she had been with. Sin is sin and I sinned against her by not keeping myself pure for her just like she sinned against me.
Look, its not easy and it will not be a conversation that you obviously want to have. I would tell him and then you will see the true character of the guy. Trust me, you will have bigger fish to fry later on down the road then this. Do you really want to be with a guy that would leave you over this? What will you (or he for that matter) do when things really start getting tough? Good luck to you and I hope I provided some insight by someone that has been on the receiving end of this kind of problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Hi. If it bothers you that much that you have lied to him then tell him the truth. I must be honest and say i asked my partner how many women he had slept with before me. He didnt have to tell me but i was interested to know a little of his sexual past, after all, i was going to be sharing my body with him so i felt i had some right to know where his had been prior to me. He told me and i was fine with his answer because i thought it was honest. He could have said he`d slept with 100 or told me to mind my own business, just as long as he was honest. If i found out he was lying to me i wouldnt like that or think of it as a good sign. If the fact that you lied is going to eat you up, its best to tell him now before you move in together.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Wow, I can't even believe how many people say "keep it in". Trust me, he will eventually find out and when he does he'll never ever trust you again. Just tell him, its not that big of a difference. Just tell him why you didn't tell him at first and you're very sorry but you were just afraid he wouldn't like you if you told him. He probably already thinks you have slept with more (or maybe I'm the only one who actually believes in the rule of 3) but just wants you to admit it.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (26 December 2009):
 I agree that it is no ones business who you have slept with in the past! As long as these people are long-gone from your life, there is no reason to share the information with him!
To do so, may cause him to think that maybe if you lied about that, you will lie to him in the future! You will give him reasons not to trust you!
Besides that, you will hurt him!
Keep it to yourself and let the guilt go!
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (26 December 2009):
 3 or 5? Hmmmmmm......... Since there is no benefit or good that will come from telling him, I say to keep it between you and God.
Jeff
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): NO, NO, NO !
It is NONE of any man's business how many partners (of any sex) a woman has had. Keep it in general terms... are you a virgin "no", how many guys have you slept with "a few"...
You need not list every position, act, or pairing that you've participated in... what you do with a partner is between the two of you... your next partner need NOT be given a history beyond what's needed...
Keep it to yes or no answers, and it's NOT 20 questions...
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Keep it to yourself and forever bury it. Men cannot handle a woman who's had more sexual partners than they have, plus this little white lie will get blown into a huge mess if you tell him now. Just forget about it and next time, either be honest at the beginning or just find a number that sounds good and stick with it. Two sounds logical. This is one time, the truth is best not told.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Agreed, this is a very sticky situation. I might just not tell him at all now that you've lied. It's really not worth getting dumped over this in my opinion.
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