A
female
age
41-50,
*ikkyr
writes:Been with BF for 3 years now. Met him when he was going through a very messy divorce. He lost his way cheated on me, I found out. We went through all sorts of hell and therapy to fix our relationship. He explained that he couldnt believe that the first girl he met after leaving his wife could be the one for him (his wife cheated and stole and lied continuously) and that he needed to work through his issues. He is sorry that I got hurt in the process.We are doing great at the moment, things are perfect. There is talk of marriage and I know that there is nothing going on behind my back now.Unfortunately, this whole mess left me with some insecurity issues and I found out (through snopping - Doh!) that the girl he maintained was just a 'friend' (he admitted to the others) he did actually sleep with while he was with me.Now... Do I tell him I know he was lying to me (and still effectively is because he hasnt told me otherwise) or do I just leave it in the past and enjoy what we have now. I know I shouldnt snoop either. Is this about me and my insecurity. Or his lies? I would much rather he just came clean about everything when we reconciled rather than give me half a story. But its been 18 months now since this awful time in our lives ended ... Should I just let sleeping dogs lie? (excuse the pun)
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cheated on me, divorce Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): I think you definitely need to speak to him up front about this. You will never have peace and your trust and the relationship cannot grow, unless you are upfront with him about your concerns, what you know, and what your fears are. It's better to have the difficult talk now, than to find out years down the road that you were "led on" to believe something that wasn't true. That will definitely be a lot harder to swallow and recover from years from now, than it will be to face right now...though I'm definitely not stating that it will be an easy talk to have now. I just think a lot of times we avoid certain realities b/c "things are so great" and we want to avoid conflict, but neglect to think that it WILL be so much worse years down the road if you just sweep it under the rug. Honesty is the best alternative...betrayals are so much harder to cope with the longer the "lying" has gone on for...Best to you!
A
male
reader, schacm  +, writes (9 December 2010):
relationships are based on trust and truth so if you need to know , then you are entitled to the truth , because you trust him with your heart and if he truley does love you , then he should be honest
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