A
female
age
51-59,
*arth43
writes:Here is my dilemma. There is a guy I have liked for many years until a year ago we worked together and although we never met up outside of work we do touch based by texting every couple of months. We texted a couple of days ago and I asked if he'd like to meet for coffee as I was just around the corner. He text back to say he couldn't because 1) he doesn't normally meet up with attractive married females and 2) he felt meeting up would be awkward for him.First question is - why would he feel it would be awkward for him? (we get on really well)Second question - should I tell him I am soon to be single? (i.e do you think there is a possibility that he fancies me)I haven't told him that my husband and I are separating shortly and currently have our house for saleThanks
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Hi
Is he married? Is he dating someone? That would make it awkward for him.
I don't think its wise to get too involved with anyone your still married even selling a house can take ages. Wait till your life is in order and your officially single before you worry about why's and why not's.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Because you're an attractive married woman and meeting up for a date is pretty awkward. You text every couple of months and suddenly out of nowhere you ask him out?
Tell him about you becoming single if you like, but frankly I'd hold off on that. Who the hells wants to get mixed up in a woman's break up? "soon to be single" is not single. You have a lot of stuff you need to care of first. Frankly OP I'd think it very suspect that you suddenly want to start seeing me in person just as your marriage comes to an end. I'll be no one's rebound.
I mean seriously think about if the roles where reversed. You;d hear some pretty big alarm bells if a guy friend of yours suddenly starts sniffing around while he's ending his marriage wouldn't you? You'd protect yourself from being used and probably decline his offers until you're sure you're not going to get hurt.
I say leave it off for a while, tie up the loose ends of your marriage, get yourself back on your feet and approach him when you're actually ready.
I'd run a mile. I want to date OP, not be a woman's rebound of break up counsellor. What's happening your marriage is a pretty big part of your life at the moment and you'd probably end up talking about that the whole time etc. Not for me.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Hello, He's a gentleman ...that's why he wouldn't want to meet up with you. He said it himself, he doesn't meet up with married women.....and yes he would feel uncomfortable because of that fact....and he would feel uncomfortable because he is attracted to you and he thinks you are married. Very simple.Should you tell him that you are due to separate from your husband?? Why? Do you think it is a good idea to jump from one marriage into a relationship? Or a potential one? You guys have been chatty chatty ever so often...doesn't mean he wants to be with you. He is probably attracted to you, but I would give yourself some time before jumping into anything. A little secret, guys notice things like that and it might cause him some concern.So I would keep it simple, perhaps mention in one of your texts that you're house hunting and IF he asks why, casually tell him, but don't make it your sales pitch.Take it light and take it slow.Ana
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 You could have texted back having the opportunity there and then to say; thanks for the compliment but I’m soon to be single… (Obviously he sees you as attractive)If he feels awkward; you have left out confirmation for us whether he is married, living with someone or single to comment without speculation? Otherwise what’s there to feel awkward about; either he doesn’t like coffee; nor wants complications or was time pressed with work? :)The thing is it’s only going for coffee; it’s not a marriage proposal or an affair right? So I’d text him again after a couple of weeks or when you’re ‘fully separated’ from your husband.Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): Maybe he would feel awkward because you're married. It might be cleaner if you wait til you were separated, unless you're officially not together with your husband now? As in would your husband mind you meeting another guy? Not good to sneak around really, and if you and husband decide to stay together and you've started seeing another guy then it would be messy!Also I wouldn't get involved with anyone in a serious way too soon, you need to get your life back together first I would say.I don't know if my advice is any good to you, but jut keep things simple and you won't go wrong. I'm sure the other guy will still be around for a while. Keep us updated , good luck!
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