A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Two years ago I found myself suddenly and involuntarily attracted to my then acquaintance, now friend. My feelings appeared to come from nowhere because I'd known him for a while previous and nothing had clicked except that he was a nice guy. At the time, I downplayed the strong attraction because I felt that it was simply happening as a result of issues in my long-term relationship with my boyfriend and tried to convince myself that this was the reason for my weird emotions (I've never had feelings as strong as these for someone before). As my relationship with my boyfriend deteriorated, it was difficult to stop feeling enamored by this other friend and extremely flattered by his light flirtations. Even so, I persisted with resolving my relationship problems and it's only been in the last few months that my boyfriend is making proper amends for his poor behavior. However, whilst I can control my feelings for this guy to some degree, they still persist. This is largely because in my eyes he's fantastic. We have a lot in common and have become good friends, but he still manages to stir me like no-one else has (and I feel terribly guilty for it). Almost six months ago my friend and I verbally and physically confessed feelings for one another but expressed sadness in how we are both in committed relationships. Fortunately this didn't ruin our friendship but I frequently feel overcome by this tension between us. The fact that I still enjoy being his friend so much, despite months of trying to talk myself out of these feelings, suggests that I am indeed in love with him. How do I get over him or do I muster the courage to tell this man that I'm more than passingly attracted to him, knowing that it's wrong to feel for someone who is in a relationship themselves?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): I wish a lady thought that way about me. Would make me feel real good about myself for some reason. But I wouldn’t leave my girlfriend if another women did like me the way you like your friend. Even if her emotions were that intense.
Commitment is a matter of dedication and choice. Love is easy; but bottling emotions is hard and is probably what’s getting to you the most.
Never the less, it would just be a really nice thing to know.
Do what you think is right and best for you, (now and in the long run) because you can only ever meet a guy half way.
Who/whatever you choose; good luck :)
A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 There's no law saying you can't be attracted to someone else if you're already in a relationship, it's whether or not you chose to act on it. If you're totally in love with this guy, but in a difficult relationship, trying to forget about him will make everything harder. Try taking it as a compliment this fantastic guy is somewhat attracted to you. What you need to ask yourself is "is he happy?" If he is, leave him alone, and don't encourage anything that might cause him trouble with his girlfriend (think about what you wouldn't like your boyfriend doing with one of his female friends). You need to remember, there is a third option here, if you feel like things are really un-resolvable with your boyfriend then you don't have to stay with him, you are choosing to. You could just be on your own for a while, get over your boyfriend and see how (or if) the feelings towards the other guy change.
At the end of the day, you need to do what's right for you. You need to find someone you could be happy with, and right now it sounds like you're putting a hell of a lot of effort into a relationship where your partner is only just managing to meet you halfway on some things.
If you do decide yo to tell this other guy you love him, make sure he knows you're not expecting anything from him because he's in a relationship and you wouldn't want to ruin that for him. But it's not fair that you have to keep it bottled up inside you either. Try to be honest, fair and true to yourself. Go for what makes you happy!
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