A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. We started to have sex within the first year and it was great. But about into our third year... i couldnt have an orgasm at all. I have been faking it ever since. I dont know what i should do? Should i tell him or just try to figure it out on my own? please help me....
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Telling him would probably really upset him and make him feel insecure.
Don't fake it anymore. If it isn't working for you then say so. Express that you are finding it hard to climax and you're not sure why. Tell him that you are still attracted to him, but your body just wont climax.
Tyr new things together. You can figure this out together or you can take time by yourself to see what you like.
Try a shower-head. I used to find it had to climax and it was a life saver.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): I wouldnt tell him youve been faking it for 3 years... hell be really upset and a lot less receptive to changing and working it out! But I would say stop faking now and pretend the peoblem just came up. Dont fake another orgasm!!! :-D
Try different things, toys, more foreplay etc!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Well, there's no need to tell him immediately; it is most likely to hurt his feelings. There are a few things you could try first.
First and foremost, you have to figure out what exactly makes you orgasm, and the only way to do this is to do it on your own. Find some time alone, even if it's when you're in the bath, just to explore yourself and try to bring yourself to climax. Now you know how you work, you know what he can do to make you orgasm.
Remember too that the time of the month affects how easy it is for you to orgasm. Most women find they feel more turned on during a specific part of their menstrual cycle - many during the second week, or just before their period. To maximise your chances of orgasm, concentrate your efforts on your sexual encounters at this time of the month.
Now you've found what works for you, and the time you are most likely to orgasm, you can do something about it. Try taking control in the bedroom - some sexy role play or dominatrix style. It might be a sexy surprise for him, and you've got him exactly where you want him - doing what you want, to you. Or you could incorporate toys into your bedroom, but not too often as you'll tend to rely on them if you use them all the time. Exploit each other's little fancies - any secret turn ons you haven't told each other, or were nervous to try?
If you find you're still having problems, you can try talking to a sex therapist or finding a herbal remedy. There are plenty of options available without telling your boyfriend, but if it becomes a major problem in your relationship it might be advisable to sit down and have a friendly chat.
Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 ok if and when you tell him i dont think he will be happy that you have been faking orgasms. but at the same time you cant go on faking for the rest of your life so it needs sorting out. I would try experimenting on yourself whether its your fingers or a vibrator and see if you can manage it yourself, also try and relax thats the biggest thing that will help. do you still have a lot of foreplay before sex ? try and think what has changed in the begining to now? i would try yourself for a start before telling him as this could blow his confidence a bit. and if you find you can manage yourself then tell him what you like! also try and take the pressure of coming off as a goal and more as a bonus if it happens, added pressure can make it harder to contend with. also try alot of stimulation before and during intercourse. how is the setting you have is it romantic? thats my opinion so maybe try some of those and see if it helps
aphexy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): you should not tell him there is no reasion why he has to know that.but i would try to find out why your not having orgasms as soon as posoble.
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