A
male
age
36-40,
*r. Excellent
writes:So I've been on a few dates with a woman and we seem to be really clicking. I'm thinking we'll have sex sometime soon. There is one thing gnawing at me though. Should I tell her I'm a virgin? The thing is I'm 35 years old and suffered from self-esteem problems when younger and never had the chance to do it. However I'm hoping for a turnaround at this point in my life. I don't want her to think I'm weird for being a virgin at this age though. So do I tell her or just have sex and not mention my inexperience? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dr. Excellent +, writes (16 January 2015):
Dr. Excellent is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't plan on saying anything misleading. I mean most women my age will not suspect that I'm a virgin. However I'm thinking that if I ever end up in bed with a woman I would definitely be nervous and I'm wondering if telling her I'm a virgin would let her know that we should take it slow or perhaps she could work with me. That's the thinking behind the question.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): My husband was a virgin and he lied about it.
I was extremely hurt that he had not felt comfortable enough to be honest. I didn't care that he was or wasn't. It was the lie that hurt. Because I'd asked him about his history and he made something up.
If she asks - I'd be honest. She probably won't ask, she'll just assume that you're not. But do not deliberately say misleading things. It's not a good foundation to build a relationship.
As for her reaction. It depends on her personality. What type of person is she? You could tell her after the fact if you are so worried about her reaction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): I guess it depends. Me and my friends have a pretty dry sense of humor. If I was dating a virgin, (and you and I are about the same age), I would probably get teased quite a bit. And the virgin I were dating would probably get teased by them too. It's just our sense of humor I guess. But the unavoidable teasing aside, it would make no difference on our judgment of you as a person or a potential boyfriend. Regardless of that, if you are cool and we like you, then we just do. I'm 34 now but when I was 30, I met this guy on the bus. He was really cool and we chatted the whole ride. We exchanged numbers and the following day he called and asked me out. We went out for drinks and both got carded. Upon seeing my date's i.d., the server sarcastically said, "nice pic." So I asked to look at his i.d. to see what the fuss was about. He reluctantly showed it to me and upon looking at the pic I realized it was a fake. My heart sank and I asked him how old he was. He was 18!! I explained to him I was a 30 year old woman and had no idea he was so young. Swear I thought he was in his mid to late 20's. At first I was totally weirded out and conflicted. I didn't know if it'd be more appropriate to leave or to stay. I eventually reasoned walking out would be really rude, he is still the same person. It's not fair to judge him like that because of his age. He also convinced me to relax and just enjoy the date. So finally I did and we just kept having a good time. Next thing you know we are hanging out all the time. Me and my friend would go to his house to hang with him and his roomies, drink, play beer pong and make prank calls. And as absurd as it was, we all had a great time. And he and I are still friends. I guess my point is that just because something seems absurd and doesn't follow a pattern of conformity doesn't mean you should have a chip on your shoulder about it. I got made fun of when I inadvertently went on a date with a teenager. But he ended up being really cool and we had fun and therefore I didn't care what other people thought. I think you should just be honest. The reactions from what you say often are more influenced by the delivery than the content. As long as you express it with no chip on your shoulder about it, but with confidence and a good sense of humor. As long as you are open to possibly getting teased and just be cool and yourself see the humor in it and be able to be light about it, then you'll be fine. People will look past it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2015):
 Some women will be excited to hear that. It means you don't have a lot of preconceived notion of how AWESOME you are in bed, and that YOU will possibly TRY harder to please her then a guy with loads of experience will (because HE will rely on PAST experience, not just focus at the woman in his arms).
Others might be unsure of WHY you haven't had sex before, they might even question it.
But I don't think there are a lot of women who will decide NOT to date you or have SEX with you because you are a 35 year old virgin. WE all have to start somewhere, you just started a little later in life. NOTHING wrong in that.
Relax. Don't OVER think it. BE ready to take directions. Try and get her off FIRST, you won't regret it.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Excellent +, writes (12 January 2015):
Dr. Excellent is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat do you think her reaction will be when she finds out her 35 year old boyfriend is still a virgin?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 January 2015):
 I say tell her, just so she will be proper with you and she can explain things or understand when/if you have problems or questions. You dont need to warn her though, just say it once you get down to business and are i nbed together. It will be better and easier for you both if you are honest about it. Unless you dont want anything serious with her, in which case ypu dont need to tell her.
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