A
male
age
30-35,
*ilitaryman1234
writes:Hello my aunts! Im back again. You guys gave me great advice about how to handle my bad situation with my not so faithfull wife. I followed it and it worked out. The only downside is she kicked me out. which means less time with my babies before I deploy in three weeks but all in all its better for us to be apart then together and me and her still both put in alot of collective effort to make sure I get time with my babies.But this time I feel like i messed up. Okay I told her I couldnt forgive her for all the pain she put me threw and I wanted a divorce. She was less shocked then I assumed she would be. As a previous aunt had suggested she might have been waiting for me to tell her this. She did say it would be easier if I left I tried objecting for my babies sake but wasnt going to get into a huge fight over this. I moved into a apartment with my military buddy who is as well deploying with me and things started feeling right. I was feeling happy. And knew being apart from her was where I needed to be. So here is where I feel I messed up.. me and my wife have this friend that we both met together very early on in our relationship. She would come over to our place and hang out either by herself or with whomever she was dating at the time... we as a group have always been close. I Kinda assumed she was Closer with my wife then me. I would just be there to hang out with whomever she was dating at the time.. i mean I would sit down and chat with her when she was over but never by myself. I never crossed the boundries. Never texted her. Never even thought of her as anything but me and my wifes friend But more Closer to my wife then me... well im sitting in my new apartment and I get a text from her. She wanted to know how I was holding up and etc etc you know real small talk type of things. She asked if she could stop by chat face to face.. "she knows i have this thing against text messages I hate having deep convos via text" So i didnt think anything of it and gave her my new address and she was over within the hour. She got there and wasnt even talking about my situation. We were just joking and laughing and overall it was a good time. I felt it was harmless. Then she started saying she knows about everything that happened that my wife confided in her not to long ago about what she did and how she felt I was going to leave her.. then she started talking about how it made her mad and how it wasnt right and i deserved to be treated better. She then confessed that she has had a school girl crush on me for years and she has always felt this sexual tension between us. I felt bad because I told her I never felt that way about her.. i always have been souly focused on my family.. it didnt even seem to phase her though she started kissing me and im not going to lie it was amazing I wasnt resisting at all at this point and then well... you guys can use your imagination on what happened next.. several times.... (awesome)The next day we discussed what happened several times that night. I explained that I wasnt looking for a relationship and she was quick to say she understand and reassured me she wasnt asking for one. But she wants to stay in contact like write me letters everyday while im deployed and send me gifts and as she put it (be the person who can make you happy while your gone) Now this all sounds Awesome to me the fact that I have someone chasing me after being in a committed (on my part) relationship for 8 years is new and exciting but I know its way way way to early. And im worried about catching feelings for her if this were to happen.. before all these amazing things about her were almost masked to me.. Im guessing because of my overwhelming faith i devoted to my family. I dont want to loose my friend but I dont want to gain a lover.. even though i would mind having sex with her again.. :P its just so new and amazing. I mean I have been with the same women since I was 16 for 8 years so I have little to no experience with sex outside of my wife.... Okay So to the Butt of the question. Im starting to feel a tiny tiny tiny trace amount of guilt. As dicussed with my friend we both agreed not to tell me wife. But im not sure if moraly its the right thing to do.. i mean I know she put me threw all this pain and since we are seperated with me knowing. Without a doubt Im getting a divorce once I return from deoyment, is it really any if her business whom i choose to have sex with??? What if I tell her and she gets angry and uses it as a weapon for our divorce? But this is me thinking strictly as a male.. Maybe a females perception might be different? Any advice will help.. and since the first time I asked I got really good response im hoping for the same again
View related questions:
crush, divorce, kissing, military, moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Militaryman1234 +, writes (11 May 2016):
Militaryman1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yet again it seems to be a group conscience that its a fairly obvious solution to my answer. I guess I been in a long lasting committed relationship I forgot how to be single. Im still in a mind set that I should be sharing every last detail with my counter part. Im glad I came here first before letting my Ol lady know of my fun filled adventure. Its been a rewarding but tuff process being on my own. But i leave in nearly two weeks now and I think this deployment will help me and her move on. If I get internet access while overseas im sure I will be back for updates and more advice. Also.. I set the ground rules with my new friend. How I didnt want anything but friendship and she was okay with this. But as most men I am weak and slept with her again (bad military man BAD!) :P. I know we shall see each other again. Untill the next time thank you all so much for your wonderfull advice
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 May 2016):
 BOOYAH...so glad you had something good to report lol. As for telling her, nope, no way-Why? I get that you guys are legally still married but IMHO from your last post to this your mind is well and truly made up with no chance of reconciliation so, cant believe Im saying this BUT, in this instance I think you are now free to do as you please and with whom. I'll tell you one thing though, regardless of what she is responsible for, let me tell you my friend-Hell Hath no Fury like a Woman Scorned. That Scorned bit translates into her friend. She may or may not go all bunny boiler on you but why run the risk because time and time again the most powerful weapon to use against an ex is their children. You have enough shit to deal with atm. My guess, their will be no shortage of young lassies for you to pick and choose once you get on your feet, time to be foot loose and fancy free for a while dont you think?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2016):
 I think you should feel a little bit guilty. You aren't "legally separated" nor divorced so you are technically cheating. You can "fu@k" your way out of a marriage.
Now, I can see why it was tempting to want to feel wanted, to feel desired etc. But you need to consider that this IS a rebound, and not a smart move.
Don't tell the wife. There is no point in giving her any ammo. And IF this "mutual" friend doesn't tell her either, maybe... you and her aren't just rebounds, but for now? It's more likely that you are.
Try not to toss too many balls in the air. Focus on what's important, your kids, the upcoming deployment AND divorce.
And honestly, I don't really know what I think if this "mutual friend" either. I almost feel like she took advantage of this situation you are going through.
Anyhow, try and NOT complicate matters more than they already are.
THINK with the head to the North!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 The answer is simple, it is none of your wife's business who you have sex with, you are both separated and you are free to be with who you like. It does seem low that her friend would have sex with you, she may have had a crush on you, but she is being a terrible friend to your wife.
The thing is you know that you are wanting a divorce, so legally you might still be married, but other than that you are free to be with who you like. However if this girl likes you then she is more than likely looking for more than just sex, and if you cannot offer her more then you just need to be honest with her. The thing is if you decide to have sex with her again she might fall deeper for you and she may end up getting hurt. I think before sleeping with her again you need to work out what you both want.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): Don't tell your wife about things happened as you are already out of the relationship with her. As woman I can assure you it would make things even worse, it is not the information she needs now. You are starting your new life and you don't need to tell your wife all news about it. If your friend tells her anything, bad for her but not you. The relationship with your wife passed and now she is mother of your babies, your new affairs is not in her interests.
...............................
|
