A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex gf cheated on her then fiance, now husband with me. It happened after a night of drinks, a conversation that we wanted to be friends, and that she wasn't as happy as she was when she got engaged. I in a way started to think there was a chance for us to get back together, as alcohol can affect your mind, so it seemed like a good idea. She satisfied me orally and i didn't do anything back, and in the morning, I woke up and realized that this is no girl that I would ever want to be with, and in a way, helped me realize a bit of closure that this isn't someone I could ever spend my life with.About 8 months later, I'm dating my new girlfriend, never have cheated, never have looked at another girl before, and am completely over my ex. Never have contacted my ex other than saying hi in passing in a social situation. I love my girlfriend, but do I owe her to tell her this? I have no feelings for my ex at all, but I don't want to go and blab this around and ruin my ex's marriage, because it really doesn't concern me. But at the same time, I feel like I have a safe hanging over my head and would be looked at as such a bad person if this ever surfaced. We haven't really spoken since, and I hope she realizes how wrong it was as I did. Will she tell anyone? Would she already have told anyone if she was going to? Or now that she's married, its a new chapter and new trusts and no need to bring something up prior to that?are my thoughts on this correct? Am I supposed to tell my girlfriend now this? Or is this just better off un said? I have a sense of guilt knowing my ex was engaged, but at the same time, had the feeling (while intoxicated) that it might have been more than a drunken mistake, only to wake up and realize guilt that I did this to another person, but also relieved that it wasn't me that was cheated on.
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male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 No, there is no reason you have to tell her. Everybody has things that they did in the past that they may not be proud of. You didn't cheat on your girlfriend so an explanation is not owed. Now, if you two have (or had) the "past relationships" conversation, then you could bring it up as something you seriously regret doing.... but otherwise you don't have to.
There's no need to feel guilty about this. Though, if you did decide to tell her I don't think she has really anymore right to be mad at you then you would at her if the situation was reversed. Try not to let it bother you.
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