A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who I'v been dating for a few months now seems to be hiding a lot of things,and I think the only woman who would know him inside out would be his ex girlfriend they dated 6 years,is it ok if I talked to her?I know her since we went to school together but we weren't friends or anything we were cordial with each other?is it a good move or bad?I'v had too many men break my heart I can't handle another one!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 I also agree you should not approach his ex.
IF you think he is hiding things and don't trust him you have a few options
1. ask HIM what's going on
2. end it with him since you don't trust him
3. suck it up and deal with it on your own.
personally I vote for the first one ASK HIM what's going on and if you don't like the answers and do not feel comfort from them and still do not trust him, then end it.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 I agree with the others, especially R1 and fi the tree.
You don't need to advertise private issues or involve others. And you don't know what, if any, agenda the ex girlfriend might have so you can't really put too much faith in what she says. And your boyfriend isn't going to appreciate you violating his privacy, particularly with an ex.
'Hiding things' is rather vague. Do you think he's cheating? Or do you mean simply not sharing as much of himself as you think he shared with her? It could be that he's a private person who takes his time opening up. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Not much information to go on here, but I defintely recommend you NOT involve the ex. The more you press, the more he will pull back so ease up and be patient. The more relaxed and safe you are to be with the more comfortable he is going to be about sharing with you.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 She's either going to be very negative about him as they've broken up or if she is still fond of him she may cover for him, who knows. But most likely whatever she says will be biased because if her relationship with him so it won't be information you can trust.
I also would not be impressed if my ex's new girl came to me!
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (1 February 2013):
 Don't drag the past up! That's what will do the most damage!! If you think he's keeping things from you, then ask him if there is anything he would like to tell you. If he says nothing, then tell him that you don't like someone who is dishonest in a relationship, then tell him it's over.
My ex used to keep things hidden from me, but i didn't go running to his slimy ex's to find out the gossip!!! I had a gut instinct, and made the choice never to let myself be hurt by him again. So far so good.
You have some thinking to do. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
1 - Asking an ex for advice on your current just screams bad idea.
2 - If you feel the need to ask an ex for advice on your current, you really shouldnt be involved with the current.
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A
male
reader, jesussturgis +, writes (1 February 2013):
going behind his back will only make matters worse. Ask him about the things you need to know and try to tell him how important they are to you. Also tell him that they are so important to you that if he doesn't come clean you might have to talk to his ex.
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