A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:5 weeks ago my car was vandalised and a policeman came to my house to take a statement. This was a Wednesday.We started chatting and realised that we had lots and lots in common. I am 53 and he is 49, I am divorced and he has been separated for 2 years. He was at the end of his shift and stayed at my house for 3.5 hours during which time we talked non stop and he was extremely flirty, complimented me, laughed at my jokes, made me laught and we just got on so well. He literally couldn't take his eyes off me and showed me photos on his phone, talked about things we had in common and basically showed off... A lot!Whe he left he kept saying how great it was chatting to me and how he had really enjoyed my company. He kept shaking my hand when he said goodbye and seemed reluctant to leave, and so shook my hand yet again. (Remember he was in uniform so probably couldn't have any more physical contact than that).He told me that he would lend me one of his DVDs and would drop it off on the Friday. On the Friday afternoon a close friend of mine had a personal crisis and so obviously I told her that I would see her that evening. I emailed him to explain what had happened and apologised for the fact that I wouldn't be at home that evening when he was due to drop off the DVD. I also told him that I had really enjoyed chatting to him and included my mobile phone number in the email (this was to show him that, although I was not going to be in that evening, I was interested enough to give him my number).Two weeks later he replied via email and apologised for not being in touch as he had been on holiday with his children. He said that he would drop the DVD off one evening the following week. A day later I replied to say that would be great and for him to just let me know which evening.He never turned up to drop the DVD off. That was three weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from him.My nephew is a policeman and thinks that this man may be unsure about initiating any more contact because of his job and the fact that we met via his job. My nephew thinks that if this man is not sure if I am interested he will be wary about contacting me as it may be seen as unprofessional and he could be accused of using his status to chase a woman. In his policeman capacity my nephew has suggested that I contact this man to let him know that I am interested so that he has the green light to pursue me if he is interested. I am old fashioned and am not comfortable about initiating contact with a man. However, because of the situation my nephew's view of the situation may be correct.So, should I contact this man?Thank you in advance for your thoughts,
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divorce, flirt, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnce again, thank you all for taking the twice to respond - I really do appreciate it. I think you are right and I won't contact him. it's a shame as I was attracted to him, but I agree that an email only takes a few minutes and, if he really was interested, he would have taken some time to try to see me.
The reason why I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt is because a single mother friend of mine said that, having young children really does take up an incredible amount of time, and she said he may be genuine in his 'I've been so buys' statement. But weeks have gone by now so I will just not contact him and will get on with my life.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (17 May 2013):
 Hi again, I really don't think it's worth it. Writing and sending a quick email takes what, 1 minute? Meaning that he can only spare you one minute every 3 weeks. Is that really what you want? He is stringing you along. Don't try to analyse his behaviour or his reaction to your replies, there is no point.I'd advise against contacting or meeting up with him. If you meet him again your feelings for him might grow. He would probably flirt with you and make you feel like he was interested and then what? Would he get really busy again? He's not making any kind of effort at the moment. If he were truly interested, he would be trying to impress you right about now. It's better to be realistic. I think for your own sake you need to consign this guy firmly to the dustbin of history. Delete all email correspondence between the two of you and go ahead and block his email address, too. It may be difficult at first but in the long run it will be better for you. Don't let a man into your life unless he treats you well and shows that he is a decent man.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 May 2013):
 Hi
Forget him, if he wanted to see you he would ask you *out* on a date.
Not wait weeks then say he hadn't forgotten you, he would drop off a DVD. Then not do it - again.
If his life is *that* busy you would only get to see him about 3 times a year.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again aunties and uncles.I'm adding to this post because, after a gap of 3 weeks, this man emailed me again to say that he hasn't forgotten me, he's been madly busy and will attempt to drop the DVD off and see me during the week. This was 2 weeks ago and once again he didn't turn up (although admittedly he didn't make a definite arangement).If he's stringing me along, he's not getting very much out of it, so perhaps he would like to see me again.I feel that my response to his last email may have been little short and not very encouraging to him which may have put him off. At the moment it feels that he is interested and so emails me with the suggestion that he comes round (using the DVD as an excuse) and then gets a brief response from me and isn't sure so doesn't turn up. I'd just like to break this strange cycle and I would like to see him again. So I am wondering if I should simply send him a short email to say that it would be nice to see him some time if he'd still Iike to lend me the DVD.What do you all think?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 April 2013):
Hi
I don't think he is separated,even if he is he's a terrible flirt.I would ask your nephew to find out discreetly,it shouldn't be too difficult for him he's a policeman!
Men in uniforms know full well they attract women so I would leave it, he didn't drop off the DVD and you haven't heard off him since so put it down to experience.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 April 2013):
 Two points come to mind:
1. You say that this policeman is "separated". THAT is not a great deal... for him, or you. How many times do we see, on this site, both men and women expressing despair because they developed feelings for someone who was "separated" (i.e. NOT really free to date or initiate a/any real relationship)? He may be living through that, now.... and,
2. IF he has or does become "available" (as per above) what's wrong with your Nephew doing a little "Cupid" work and letting this guy know that he's aware that you're interested..... and passing THAT along to his fellow cop?
Just askin'.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Got Issues, thank you for your response which was really helpful.
He was just finishing his shift when he got to my house, so the time he spent with me was his own time. So I'm letting him off on that one.
But I agree that it was rude:
(a) not to let me know which evening he'd pop round, or
(b) not to tell me that he wasn't coming, or
(c) not to apologise when he didn't turn up.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (28 April 2013):
I don't know. I would be wary. He had no problem hanging out at your house for several hours, chatting you up while he was working, so I don't know if it's about professionalism. And dropping a DVD off at someone's house is hardly crossing a line if that's all you're doing.
From an outsider's point of view, the fact that he hasn't been in touch for three weeks tells me he's not that bothered and he's kind of rude for not letting you know either way. Whether there was chemistry between you or not, if someone asks you to confirm when you are going to leave something at their house you either tell them X day or you tell them you can't or won't do it and that's the end.
Who knows who else he is flirting with? He might make a habit of this kind of thing. If you really want to you could contact him but honestly, if I were you I would leave it. I don't think it will achieve anything. He just sounds like a bit of a flirt to me.
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