A
female
age
30-35,
*nfinishedSymphony
writes:Ok let me break this down for you in its simplest form, if possible.Me and Sam click. Theres always been this chemistry which we both find difficult to gain from other relationships. Theres almost an oxymoron persona between us; love is always followed by hate yet the passion is always there no matter what. We have alot in common and we find it easy to talk things through..apart from him in regards to long-term relationships in general. So, in the space of a year its been the case that we spend a few months together or merely have brief passionate encounters. He'll desert me when things between us get too settled and he can't handle his emotions. I've never been able to fully understand this. However, in the back of my mind I know he'll always be there for me and that he does genuinely think the world of me..just not the whole relationship with me idea.He came back to me recently. I'd not been able to see him for 7 months as I'd been in France and he has his life at University. My mind is more clear. He apparently thinks his is too. He told me hes matured and has been kicking himself ever since leaving me. I told him he has to earn back the chance of him being able to be with me again. I don't want a relationship really at the moment and I doubt a relationship wouldn't be the best thing for him. But, I find it so hard to keep a civilised friendship purely on a no-touch, non-passionate level. Its just not possible for me and him because of the past and most importantly, we are big softies for one another. What should I do? 1)Let him back in my life...I guess if I coped with him leaving me before it shouldn't be that hard dealing with it again?2)Walk away3)Continue with being just friends....ok i've decided to scrap number 3 :)Thankyou for readingLove,Lindsay
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (22 July 2009):
Being that I've been in a particularly similar situation, I've been off and on with this guy for almost 2-years. Even though both of us have tried to move on and date other people, he ALWAYS comes back. And same thing, once things seem to "settle" and he thinks he has me, he disappears.
Honestly, I doubt your guy has really matured THAT much. I think besides a lack of maturity, he also has commitment issues. Either they THINK they know what they want, or they want what they can't have and like to try to pursue it, only to let you down once that thrill of the chase is gone. I'm sure he cares about you, but there's something within himself that isn't allowing him to be fully there like a boyfriend should be.
Follow your gut. If you're not too keen on a relationship right now, then it's probably not a good idea--especially with him. If he walks out of your life again, it's not any easier. If anything, it's more frustrating and you end up pissed off at yourself for even giving him another chance.
So either it's walk away or stay friends from a distance. Wait some time...and maybe he will become mature enough. And when I say some time...not months, it will probably be years, and by then, you may have moved onto someone else who can maintain the sort of relationship that you deserve.
A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (22 July 2009):
 At least you're honest enough to say that you don't want a relationship right now & if that is the case: DON'T HAVE ONE!
This guy seems a little unstable to me, it's like he wants to eat the candy, but he doesn't want to buy it. Enjoys your "limited" company, but not your "committed" company. Do you catch my drift?
I do not think that you need to "cope" with him leaving you. That shouldn't even be in your min. That is not a way to live, and that is not a true friendship or relationship, don't put yourself in that situation, don't settle for that, you can do better.
I do think that you need to walk away (you could be friends from a distance: only if you can truly handle that, and not get sucked up into this again:).
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