A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a gay junior in high school and i have a huge crush on this senior guy in one of my classes.anyways...i started liking this guy when i noticed him more in my class. he is soo cool and sooo nice :) ive only talked to him about twice but it wasnt like a conversation. he might be gay or bi or not fully straight because of the following reasons...1. all his best friends are girls2. he hangs out with a bunch of girls (his best friends)3. he doesnt have a girlfriend and hes HOT4. he is very conceited :P5. one time i heard him complain like a girl complains haha it was funnyand there are a few others that i forgotand i really like this guy... do you think he might be gay too? or maybe bi or something?i would think he IS gay but there are a few facts that make me think he isnt gay. like the fact that he's sorta a jock, he's in Wrestling, he loves cars (not that gay guys dont) and he's into sports alot (again not that gay guys dont like sports)so my question again... do you think he might be gay? and if he is, should i get to know him? haha cuz i would really really like to get to be his friend at least :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): Proceed with caution. Of course he MIGHT be gay but you need a lot more to go on before anything can happen. Take it very slow. Your last line shows you have the right idea: try to become friends first. You'll be able to look for clues as you go on. If you get to know him pretty well you can maybe start dropping very subtle hints.
An idea might be to ask him what girls he fancies, and if he then looks at you flirtatiously and says 'I like people with blue eyes' rather than rattling off a load of actresses' and models' names, you could be onto something.
But do be careful. The stakes are high and you've a lot to lose if your sexuality becomes common knowlege in school, assuming the whole world hasn't already guessed (in my case the secret was never very well hidden, and it led to quite a hard time).
To take the points you've mentioned:
1 and 2) All his best friends are girls
This IS somewhat of a pointer to being gay. I always found it a lot easier to relax in female company, and I don't feel hesitant or 'on my guard' around girls the way I do around a lot of straight men. Gays often gravitate socially towards girls and sexually towards men. Are you on good terms with any of his female friends? They could be very valuable allies here.
3) He doesn't have a girlfriend and he's HOT
This doesn't prove anything one way or another. But it sounds more hopeful than 'he has a girlfriend'.
4) he is very conceited
This isn't good. But maybe he's just got a high self-opinion, which is fine if it doesn't make him behave unpleasantly towards other people.
5) One time i heard him complain like a girl complains haha it was funny
I guess you had to be there. But if it was a big camp dramatic performance, and his modes of speech are a bit 'girlish', that would also be a good sign.
As for the other stuff, the fact that he likes sports and cars is no indication of his sexuality. Some gay guys love girly pop music and fashion magazines - they're usually more obviously gay than the 'jocks', but there are plenty of straight-acting men who have conventionally 'masculine' interests and also happen to be gay. (And you may prefer masculine-type men, if you happen to be kind of the opposite).
And he's into wrestling!!! Definitely not a 100% indicator of heterosexuality.
I hope you get to wrestle with him. Good luck, keep us posted!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): Well there's nothing wrong with being his friend!!! Try talking to him more and weasel your way in as his friend, once you know him more personally, I'm sure you'll find out weather he's gay, bi, or straight (hope not lol) I think that would be a good first step!!! My best wishes to you and good luck!!!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 go with your instinct! you will know if its right!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (19 December 2009):
 Sounds like you allready know him well let me see if im a straight guy and a gay guy came up to me theres a few things he could say and walk away with his spirit still inside his body, him introducing me to his sister for one. look i suggest you ask one of the girl friends he has if hes gay you can try to get them to hook you up with him. Unless the whole school knows your gay you dont want to approach this guy two reasons if hes not gay hes gonna be pissed that you thought he might be gay second hes gonna be even more pissed that you have more balls then he does because he hasnt asked any of the girls he hangs around out
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 December 2009):
I think you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. Those are not reasons enough to be gay. Just make friends and don't make any romantic advances because he might not take it well and the last thing you want is to be tortured by the seniors with anti-gay epithets. I know people are becoming less homophobic but a popular guy who has someone gay persuing him might still lead to ridicule for both of you and he might not want to be seen with you even if he is gay. Take it slow and make friends only first. Let him make the first move.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 None of your listed reasons is evidence enough of his being gay or bi, however there isothing wrong with being friends but I would hold off on any romantic advances until your are 100% sure they arent going to earn you a blood nose.
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