A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I suggest moving in together?I have been dating a very kind dependable guy for about a year. He and I get along very well. I love him but am not in love with him yet. I have no desire to marry him until I am sure that he is the one and I know he feels the same way. I am comfortable with where our relationship is which is undefined, but feel kind of stuck unable to date others, but not knowing if this is the right relationshipship for me. In the meantime it is ideal, but we have some differences in opinion (politics, religion, etc.) that I think would get in the way of a future together. I am unhappy with where I live and am thinking about moving somewhere larger and more safe. He is living in an apartment and but his lease is due to run out soon. He has mentioned getting a roommate to ease his bills, but this would mean that we would never have alone time anymore. I am thinking about suggesting that we get something together to get to know each other on that level. I feel like our relationship is fine, but I will never grow in our current situation. Does this sound like a good idea? Part of me thinks it makes a lot of sense and the other part thinks it makes none. Advise me please!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): I think living together is a bad idea and here is why. If your guy has not told you that you are the One he wants to spend his life is, then you and he are just dating in his mind, he loves you for now and so far for him that is it.
Living with him will not bring him closer to you or make him get serious in fact he will have a loss of freedom and if he hasn't come to a decision that he is ready for that, it will push him farther away.
Plus, why give up your personal space for a man who is not truly commited to you? You should be dating other men until he claims you by proposing to you....otherwise you are stuck in an imaginary relationship. Guys really do see things differently than we do when it comes to relationships. It isn't that hard for him to give up other women for you, sleep in your bed because he likes the companionship and closeness, but he still may see you as temporary and then how bad would you feel when he breaks up with you and moves out all at the same time....it is awful, I have been there and do not recommend it at all.
I wish you all the best. Let him get his roommate, you still can have your privacy at your place and he has somewhere else to do his laundry......
A
female
reader, Quiet.Kisses  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 If you can see yourself possibly marrying this guy someday then it is best to try living together first because frankly if you can't live together your going to have a problem. Try bringing up the fact that you aren't too happy where you are and casually pull in the fact that he is about to finish his lease, and that maybe you guys might want to try moving in together. If its something you want don't hesitate because your afraid of rejection but don't do anything your not comfortable with either. If its meant to be, it'll all work out for you in the end.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Don't do it!!!! Always let the guy suggest it first.
You don't want to bring it up and then he say NO. Besides...you're not even in love with him. Why would you want to give up your space and freedom and live with someone you're not in love with. doesn't make sense. BTW...if you're relationship is undefined and not serious. Go out and date around. He's not your boyfriend. He hasn't claimed you. so don't claim him
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