A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing the most amazing girl in the world for a few months now and I think everything is going really well but last night she dropped a bombshell on me. I had said I loved her a few weeks before in what felt early but felt right and she says she can tell I mean truly mean it. She didn't say it back straight away which was fine, we all progress at different paces. She came round to saying the three words on our first trip away together and I felt she really meant them at the time. Since then I've been saying "I love you" every now and then, e.g. When I kiss her goodbye in the morning before work. She said the words back. However yesterday she didn't want to say the words back because she feels a hot and then cold feeling and doesn't want to say them unless she truly means it. Now this confuses me, I don't know if I should cry or if it was just too early for her to say the words. But then what further complicates matters is she says she truly did mean the words when she first said it. I feel as if I'm doing something wrong that she is feeling hot and then cold or that there is something wrong with me. I don't know if I should give her space, stop saying the words to her even though I feel them to not put pressure on her. I want her to actually feel them if she gets there and don't want to force anything. But I don't know how to support her whilst also not setting myself up for failure. What should I do, I feel lost and confused. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2017):
 She is not ready. I would cool off on telling her for a while, it doesn't mean you cannot show her that you love her but just cool it down a bit as it sounds like she felt under pressure to tell you she loved you back. Maybe sit down and have a talk with her and ask her what she wants to do moving forward. Remember it is important to communicate in a relationship.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (8 June 2017):
Give her some space. Stop telling her you love her. You probably said it too soon and she finally said it back to you because she felt pressured. Your continuing to say it after she told you she doesn't feel that way about you is only going to make her feel pressured and resentful.
And there is nothing wrong with you. You can love someone with all your heart and they may never feel the same about you. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you it just mean you are not for them.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 June 2017):
 Do you live together already? ("kisses before work")
I think it's all moving too quickly. You are still in the honeymoon phase and you're new to each other. This isn't love in the same way it would be after a year, so it's not something everyone feels comfortable saying much so soon.
She may mean it, but want it to come naturally, not just say it because you did or for the sake of saying it.
It's *very* early days, so I think you need to cool it a little and take it slower.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): My first thought is she is not over a past relationship and she's having difficulty committing her heart to you. Sometimes us girls feel like saying those words gives a man power or makes us feel vulnerable, sometimes we are just guarding our heart for fear of getting hurt again and sometimes we are just not that into you. If it's someone else that holds her heart there's nothing you can do about that, it's not you at all. If it's one of the other three reasons, just keep being you, be patient and try not to take it personally. She may just need time to get comfortable and feel safe
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