A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my ex is 23 and im 20 we lived together for 6 months and dated for a year before we broke up. i broke up with her first because we just kept fighting about stupid things and i dunno i was just mad. then she broke up with me a week later saying she cant get over her broken heart and i said some hurtful things over the course of our relationship. its been two months since weve been broken up...up till last week we would talk everyday. i havent seen her in like 3 weeks. but about a week ago she said we should stop talking to eachother and see how we feel. so i stopped texting entirely. but everyday she still throws a text my way...just saying goodnight...im having a hard time with you today.. then others just saying i hope you are doing okay...to some i answer to some i just let go. i brought up getting back together yesterday and she just says i dont know im really confused and i really dont know what to think anymore. should i just stop talking to her all together...not even answering her texts? or still try to be her friend and get her close to me again (thats what ive been doing and its not getting anywhere.) thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): The phrase "if you love them set them free, they'll come back yada yada yada" (I know corny and stupid) but it works in this situation.
The only way she'll know if she wants to be with you is to be without you. That's not the case at the moment, you may officially be over and not acting like a couple but you still have a deep emotional bond that's being fed through these "I'm thinking of you" texts.
Ask for a face to face meeting to discuss things and discuss with her how best to go forward, you're either broken up or you're not. If you are then it's best if you cut contact for a while in order to get over each other. She'll either realize then that she doesn't like life without you in it or she'll realize that breaking up was the right choice. Either you can't go on in this limbo.
With the depth of emotion you have between you, friends is not a good idea, you're either together as a couple or nothing, they're the safest (although not the most pleasant) of options. True friendship between you will only possible once the romantic feelings have all but gone, seriously I wouldn't advise trying to be friends so soon, you just keep each other hanging on and it's very hard to move on. Plus any new girl/guy either of you meet is going to highly uncomfortable with that kind of situation.
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