A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Should I continue to be part of my ex daughter life if she left me. She said that we grew apart. I was always trying to help her get a head but she just wanted to stay where she was at. I asked her to marry me bought a house for us to live in she paid nothing. She wanted to leave but made it seem like I threw her out.she would say I went off at her for no reason but she had not paid light bill in s months it was things like that that got me upset I feel If treated u so bad why would u still want me to be around ur daughter?
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female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You have to stand up to her. and stand FIRM on what you're willing to do and not do, as a Step father. Talk to your EX,and get a SOLID plan established with her concerning your step daughter,when you will pick her up, and what you're willing to do as far as SUPPORTING her financially. And don't allow her to manipulate those agreements to suit HER, those agreements are for YOU and the CHILD. And if you see that she can't stick with the PLANS then you have to LOVE her from a distance. Because then you'll know she's using the child as a means of SUPPORT. You did say she has a pass record of NOT wanting to pay her share of the BILLS! So be careful..That she's not using the child as HER BREAD WINNER. It's been KNOWN to happen ijs!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Just read your reply. If you've known the girl since she was ~1 year old, then just disappearing would be bad.
I appreciate that you don't want to get hurt, but when children - particularly very young ones - are involved, the adults need to put aside their emotions. If you and your g/f do split, you both need to discuss the situation with a view to what's best for the girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): It's not an easy situation, but I agree that it does depend on the age of the child and the nature of your relationship with her.
I was in a similar situation when my ex ended things a couple of months ago. Initially, I kept in touch with her eldest two daughters (14 and 12) on Facebook, but my ex's final (vile) text said "don't involve them", so I removed them as friends.
At the time, it seemed the best thing to do, for the reasons that vanessa101 gives. But now I regret not saying a proper goodbye - regardless of my ex's demands. We were only together for 18 months, but the younger one and I got on really well, and I know the breakup will have upset her.
So, if you and your girlfriend do split, and it's appropriate to do so, I would advise talking to the daughter directly about things, and either agreeing to keep in contact, or clarifying why not to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's 7 and I've been in her life close to 6 years but her mother 2 other kids from prior relationships and it seem like when she needs something that I'm the only one she callsalso I don't want to get hurt any more. I really want to be a part of her life but don't want to get hurt or manipulated
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): The daughter had nothing to do with what happened between you two. It would be very unfair to just cut her out of your life if you've built a close bond with her. She did nothing wrong and she shouldn't be punished for it. There's no reason why you can't still be a friend to that daughter.
Even if the mother thinks you treated her badly she obviously thinks you're a good influence and good person to her daughter. Why would she want to jeopardize that for he r daughter. Look your adult relationship broke apart it happens but that child had nothing to do with it and has maybe grown to love and rely on you. Perhaps her mother just understands that you are close to her daughter and good for her, she probably wants you to stay in contact with her for those reasons.
Whether you do or not is up to you.
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