A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do.. I think my ex has messed up my head. I can't feel feelings and sometimes they're the opposite feeling I am supposed to have. I've had 3 family members die in 3 months and I've hardly cried and when I told friends they've passed I laugh and I feel weird, why did I laugh? I've just got into a relationship with someone I liked at the time he's really nice and funny. His grandad just died and he took it really bad I felt some sort of sympathy but then I was like not even bothered.. maybe It's because I don't know him that well yet I dunno. I don't even want a boyfriend but I said yes and he's already said he loved me but I feel like I want to push him away but I don't know how it will affect him. I think he just likes me a lot. Surely he can't have fallen in live with me after a few weeks. What I need help with is should I stick with him to see how it pans out or let him go and sort my head out?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Well you've kinda done the right thing with leaving him alone. A lot things are happening in his and your lives and telling him that it's over will have added to it.
It would seem he his the type to grieve alone and for those sort of people you must respect their wishes. If people do say anything about you then try to ignore it as you know you've done the right thing. If that isn't helping, remember that ending it now is better than leading him on in the future and if anyone questions it, tell them exactly that.
But to be honest, people will always have an opinion and not all of them will be nice. You cannot let yourself get brought down by these people. You must remain strong in knowing that you're doing the right thing. Then you also need to take a long hard think about everything that is going on. It must all be happening way too fast for you and you to slow it down just a bit so you can get your head around it. Good luck, stay strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've tried talking to him over text because he said he wants to be alone n I never spoke to him in a few days. He's said that I'm making a big deal out of it but all I wanted was to see him. I've stopped texting him but I told him basically fine ill leave him alone but I dunno what to do now. Think I've kinda broke up with him but he said once he's sorted his head out we'll work things out but what's the point? I'm not in love with him n I can't be bothered to sit and wait around for him but I don't want to feel like an awful person with people saying how nasty I am breaking up with him when he's lost his grandad. As I stated before I've just lost both mine near enough same time :( I've cried over this because its stressing me out...help
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ +, writes (1 March 2012):
There are many things going on in your life currently and it definitely could get on top of you if you're not careful. As for the grief thing, many people react to grief in different ways. Some can't take it and just breakdown for weeks or months. Some just like to be left alone so they can just sort their feelings out without being asked the most pointless question, are you okay? Some try to keep busy to avoid thinking about it and letting it cause them to stop their everyday business. It seems like you are an avoidance person when it comes to grief, although it depends on how close you were to your family members.Your natural instinct is to laugh it off so you ignore the topic and it causes everyone to change the subject as you're not opening up to them. This is perfectly fine, it's a bit like the keeping yourself busy type but instead of being busy you a laugh at the thought so you don't have to think about it.As for your boyfriend. If you don't want this relationship at all then you cannot lead him on. If you do want it just a little bit then stick it out for a little while and see how it goes. But if he is a fragile right now then you must be sensitive if you're going to end it. You mustn't just tell him it's over. You will have to completely let him know that you're not ready yet and be completely honest but sympathetic. If he needs you for support, tell him that you can still be there for him to talk to as a friend. But you must think about whether you want this or not. Hope this helps and good luck with everything, it cannot be easy.
...............................
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 No, you can't stick with him to see how it pans out. It's NOT fair to him at all that you are just stringing him along. It sounds like you're dating him to be nice and you're scared of hurting his feelings.
It really doesn't sound like your interested in dating, and yes it does sound like you need to sort things out, so you have to do the right thing and end it before he gets even more attached. The earlier the better. I repeat, it's unfair to him if you continue to string him along.
...............................
|
